Soul on Fire Publishing

He Said She Said And Yet I Trust Him

2011-08-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

This poem is in my inspirational book for women. I wrote it in November 2009. At the time I actually just wrote it I never thought in a million years that I would live it. Last night as I was speaking to someone they made fun of prophecy etc. When it's me a person talks about I could care less because what a person says doesn't bother me but when they start talking about God's gifts then...I had to pray about it. Many don't realize just how powerful prayer is. People be careful of who you share your dreams with for everyone is not for you and I had to realize that from expierence. You can be sleeping with the enemy and not even know it. When a person says to you, "I'm tired of supporting your dreams" pay close attention. As I re read what I wrote I realized that this is my life now. This is my prophecy to myself and I never realized it until now.

HE said SHE said and….. Yet, I trust HIM!

She said: "You'll never make it without me, you're nothing."He says: "I'll be with you, my child, every step of the way. Just step out on faith."She said: “She's hoping to see me fail.....maybe she'll kick me when I'm down.

”He says: "With Me by your side, you can do all things, trust in Me."She said: "But, she talks badly of me as they did Jesus before His crucifixion. Lord, it's harder with each blow." He says: "Keep your head up, walk straight ahead, and never look back. I may not stop the blows, but I'll catch you before you hit the ground."

I say to Him: "Lord, but I don't understand. Why must I go through these things? Why does it feel like at times I have the weight of the world on my shoulders?"

He Replies: "My child, imagine carrying a cross to be crucified, sending your only son up to be crucified….. Can you imagine seeing your child being beaten until the flesh is ripped from His body?

My child, I love you and will always love you. My child, you were already MINE, and yet, I sent my son to die so that you could live.”

He adds: “My child, don't you know the cross changes everything?

I ask very little of you, and yet, you can come to me for everything. I have done so much and shown you in so many ways that I love you. You have felt my love and I continue to love.

There’s no one that will love you as I do. There is no one who will give up what I have. If you only knew the power that I have you, would fear no one, you would wake up every morning with a smile on your face, nothing that anyone says or does can affect you in any way.Look back at your life and you'll see all the things that I've protected you from.

Even when you were wrong I've always been there. Where has SHE been? I revealed my passion to Hosea. Does she have the love for you that he had for Gomer?

If you were in a situation that only she could get you out of, would she? Would she buy you back knowing that you are already hers? I know not! All you have to do is come to me and I'll do everything else. I'll fight for you, deliver you, protect you; whatever you ask.

All I ask is that you be faithful to me as I am to you.” Looking back at my life and seeing all that God has done for me and all that He has shown me, I realize He has proven His love so many times and He continues.

I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. No one or nothing can take my joy. I have many that I have to reach and I can't allow anyone or anything to stand in my way. I know that when things start getting rough it's just the devil trying to keep me from getting what God has for me.

This is when I know I'm getting closer. And yet, I trust Him! I was sitting writing my inspirational book for women which I'm so excited about. I'm so inspired right now and I know that many women will be able to benefit from this book. I plan to reach so many I can't wait. I'm feeling so inspired that I just had to write a note.

:) I thank God for all things

Shalona L. Amos

Never Give Up On Your Dreams

2011-08-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

Many have dreams but many also give up on their dreams. I'm here to let you know to never give up. Times may get hard and the road may seem rough but it's only preparing you for what's to come.

A Little About Me ;)

2011-03-31T10:18:00.000-07:00

Shalona L Amos (born January 24 in St Petersburg Florida)is an Author, Publisher, and Entrepreneur. She began writing at the age of five after one of her sisters taught her how to spell her name in it's entirety.

Life And Career

Shalona was born in St Petersburg, Florida, the daughter of Katie Mae Smiley (who worked 3 jobs just to make ends meet). According to Shalona, her maternal grandmother is Eddie Mae James (was Indian and African) whom her or her mother Katie never knew because she was poisoned when Shalona's mother was just 6 weeks old. Her Grandfather Clarence was never known by Katie Shalona's mother or by Shalona. Shalona is the last of 15 children and was raised in St Petersburg, Florida. Shalona began writing at the age of five and continued on in Elementary School where she won a writing contest for grandparents day. She remembers that day just as clear as it was yesterday. The poem went like this. "Grandparents are the sunshine of my life because they care a lot they let you know that they care about you. When someone lets you down grandparents are right by your side to cheer you up again. That's why grandparents are the sunshine of my life. She did well for someone who never had grandparents. She read her poem in front of about 60 grandparents and they loved it.

Shalona went on to middle school and then on to High School. In High School she continued to write and one of her papers that was written talked about the last days and Jesus's return. He teacher loved it and so did her classmates. She was asked to read the paper over and over again. One of her teachers in the business department took Shalona under her wing and began to teach her how to use computers and how to type. It wasn't long after that Shalona was writing programs for the school. Shalona also received the turnaround achievement award for her school in her senior year of High School. In her senior year she was given the assignment of typing up Honor Roll certificates for students on the Honor Roll. She typed them up each semester including her own. She was also a member of FBLA (Future Business Leaders Of America) and also participated in Baccalaureate.

Personal Life

Shalona is the mother of three children. In her 8th grade year she me her first child's father and at the age of 16 she became a mother for the first time. Shalona continued to go to school and graduated from High School and 10 days later she gave birth to another child. Many were shocked because they didn't even know she was pregnant. When she began college she gave birth to her third child the second semester. Three years later she gave birth to her fourth child which only lived ten months.

Career

Soul on Fire Publishing was founded October 9th 2008 by CEO Shalona L Amos. Shalona started Soul on Fire Publishing while sitting in her dining room one day after completing school work. Despite the fact that she had been going through a very rough period in her life she pushed through and started her own publishing company. The fire in Soul On Fire represents the Holy Spirit.

Shalona's first project was Diary of a Sex Addict: Based on a True Story. After speaking with a woman from Tampa, Florida Shalona knew this woman had a story that needed to be told.. She sat down and took notes for three days and stayed up day and night only getting three to four hours of sleep a night. It was like something was working through her and it wasn't until her project was finished that she was able to rest. The book was complete just one week and a half later. Soon it was time to release her baby to the world. The response she received was shocking and she realized how Diary of a Sex Addict had touched so many lives. Many received the message while others just didn't get it, they became blinded by the sex scenes inside the book. We often hear about male sex addicts but not female sex addicts. Diary of a Sex Addict allows readers to be that fly on the wall and also to gives them the ability to see things how Tiffany saw them. This book will touch you emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and mentally.

Raw & Uncut by Lovelle was released in November 2009. Lovelle takes the readers on and erotic journey through St Petersburg Florida where she writes about true events. Many of the events are mind blowing and all are very well written.

Girl, Come and get your Blessings was released in November 2009. Shalona decided to write the inspirational book for women after many of the readers read her letter to readers in her first novel Diary of a Sex Addict. Before writing this book Shalona prayed and meditated night and day. Not only will her book inspire you but it will also empower you as well. This is a book that can be kept by the nightstand and read over and over again. Shalona includes stories from women that have overcome many things in life allowing other women to see what they have been through and then she takes it one step farther....she shares her story as well. After a bit of thought Shalona decided to tell the world what she has never told anyone until now about her life. She knows that it will help someone else and may be able to change someone else's life for the better. She also shares with the readers the lyrics of the song that she heard the angels singing one day as she awoke from her sleep. The amazing thing about it is that she knew every word!

Shalona is currently getting ready to go into ministry.

The Lord gave me this scripture and I wanted to share. These things are coming to pass

2011-03-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

¹JESUS DEPARTED from the temple ^[a]area and was going on His way when His disciples came up to Him to call His attention to the buildings of the temple and point them out to Him.

²But He answered them, Do you see all these? Truly I tell you, there will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down.

³While He was seated on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately and said, Tell us, when will this take place, and what will be the sign of Your coming and of the end (the completion, the consummation) of the age?

⁴Jesus answered them, Be careful that no one misleads you [deceiving you and leading you into error].

⁵For many will come in (on the strength of) My name [^[b]appropriating the name which belongs to Me], saying, I am the Christ (the Messiah), and they will lead many astray.

⁶And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars; see that you are not frightened or troubled, for this must take place, but the end is not yet.

⁷For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in place after place;

⁸All this is but the beginning [the early pains] of the ^[c]birth pangs [of the^[d]intolerable anguish].

⁹Then they will hand you over to suffer affliction and tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for My name's sake.

¹⁰And then many will be offended and repelled and will ^[e]begin to distrust and desert [Him Whom they ought to trust and obey] and will stumble and fall away and betray one another and pursue one another with hatred.

¹¹And many false prophets will rise up and deceive and lead many into error.

¹²And the love of ^[f]the great body of people will grow cold because of the multiplied lawlessness and iniquity,

¹³But he who endures to the end will be saved.

¹⁴And this good news of the kingdom (the Gospel) will be preached throughout the whole world as a testimony to all the nations, and then will come the end.

¹⁵So when you see the appalling sacrilege [the abomination that astonishes and makes desolate], spoken of by the prophet Daniel, standing in the Holy Place--let the reader take notice and ^[g]ponder and consider and heed [this]--^(A)

¹⁶Then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains;

¹⁷Let him who is on the housetop not come down and go into the house to take anything;

¹⁸And let him who is in the field not turn back to get his overcoat.

¹⁹And alas for the women who are pregnant and for those who have nursing babies in those days!

²⁰Pray that your flight may not be in winter or on a Sabbath.

²¹For then there will be great tribulation (affliction, distress, and oppression) such as has not been from the beginning of the world until now--no, and never will be [again].^(B)

²²And if those days had not been shortened, no human being would endure and survive, but for the sake of the elect (God's chosen ones) those days will be shortened.

²³If anyone says to you then, Behold, here is the Christ (the Messiah)! or, There He is!--do not believe it.

²⁴For false Christs and false prophets will arise, and they will show great signs and wonders so as to deceive and lead astray, if possible, even the elect (God's chosen ones).

²⁵See, I have warned you beforehand.

²⁶So if they say to you, Behold, He is in the wilderness (desert)--do not go out there; if they tell you, Behold, He is in the secret places or inner rooms--do not believe it.

²⁷For just as the lightning flashes from the east and shines and ^[h]is seen as far as the west, so will the coming of the Son of Man be.

²⁸Wherever there is a fallen body (a corpse), there the vultures (or eagles) will flock together.^(C)

²⁹Immediately after the tribulation of those days the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not shed its light, and the stars will fall from the sky, and the powers of the heavens will be shaken.^(D)

³⁰Then the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and then all the tribes of the earth will mourn and ^[i]beat their breasts and lament in anguish, and they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory [in brilliancy and splendor].^(E)

³¹And He will send out His angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather His elect (His chosen ones) from the four winds, [even] from one end of the ^[j]universe to the other.^(F)

³²From the fig tree learn this lesson: as soon as its ^[k]young shoots become soft and tender and it puts out its leaves, you know ^[l]of a surety that summer is near.

³³So also when you see these signs, ^[m]all taken together, coming to pass, you may know ^[n]of a surety that He is near, at the very doors.

³⁴Truly I tell you, this generation (^[o]the whole multitude of people living at the same time, ^[p]in a definite, ^[q]given period) will not pass away till all these things ^[r]taken together take place.

³⁵^[s]Sky and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.

³⁶But of that [exact] day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

³⁷As were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.

³⁸For just as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, [men] marrying and [women] being given in marriage, until the [very] day when Noah went into the ark,

³⁹And they did not know or understand until the flood came and swept them all away--so will be the coming of the Son of Man.^(G)

⁴⁰At that time two men will be in the field; one will be taken and one will be left.

⁴¹Two women will be grinding at the hand mill; one will be taken and one will be left.

⁴²Watch therefore [^[t]give strict attention, be cautious and active], for you do not know in what kind of a day [^[u]whether a near or remote one] your Lord is coming.

⁴³But understand this: had the householder known in what [part of the night, whether in a ^[v]night or a morning] watch the thief was coming, he would have watched and would not have allowed his house to be ^[w]undermined and broken into.

⁴⁴You also must be ready therefore, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour when you do not expect Him.

⁴⁵Who then is the faithful, thoughtful, and wise servant, whom his master has put in charge of his household to give to the others the food and supplies at the proper time?

⁴⁶Blessed (happy, fortunate, and ^[x]to be envied) is that servant whom, when his master comes, he will find so doing.

⁴⁷I solemnly declare to you, he will set him over all his possessions.

⁴⁸But if that servant is wicked and says to himself, My master is delayed and is going to be gone a long time,

⁴⁹And begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with the drunken,

⁵⁰The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour of which he is not aware,

⁵¹And will punish him [^[y]cut him up by scourging] and put him with the pretenders (hypocrites); there will be weeping and grinding of teeth.

The best is yet to come......

2011-03-02T15:47:00.000-08:00

It all started as a dream back in 2008. It started with me hearing the angels singing. Then as I lay awake one night something said to me, "You can heal people. I didn't know then what God had in store for me but I do now. It took me another 2 years before I realized the purpose God had put inside of me.

As I look back over my life I wouldn't change a thing because it was all in Gods plan. I thank HIm and I am so honored to be used by Him. Those who turn the pages of any of my books are in for a treat. Not only will my books touch your heart they will also minister to you as well.

The best is yet to come for Soul On Fire Publishing and I am so excited. I want to thank God and give HIm all the Glory for all that He had done in my life thus far, what He is doing now, and what He will do in the future.

I must thank Him for removing all of my doubters and my enemies from my life in 2010. In doing so many doors began to open for me and I was able to see things so much clearer. As I continue on my journey I must thank everyone who has brought any of the titles from Soul On Fire Publishing. I also want to let you know that I am and will be forever grateful to you for not only your purchase but your support as well.

It is a dream of mine to meet all of my fans one day. Again I am so thankful to you all. And thank you God for all that you have put in me. The world is going to be so surprised to know whats next for us (God and Me).

Love......

2010-08-23T19:58:00.000-07:00

There is no greater feeling than love. All of my life I had been in relationships with other people for years at a time. I'm single now and something happened to me that I never thought would, I fell in love and I never even saw it coming. Each and everyday I thank God and never knew that I could fall so hard or so unexpectedly. I prayed for many of nights for God not to allow me to be in love with someone that wasn't in love with me. God quickly answered my prayers and in no time it was done. I had fallen out of love just to fall back in love unexpectedly. Every night I spend time with the one I love we talk about any and everything. I wake up every morning in a wonderful mood and I am so honored that God has given me another day. The loneliness that was once there is no longer. The hate no longer felt. I wondered why I had to go through everything that I did in order to find love and I came up with the conclusion that If I hadn't when love found me I wouldn't have been able to recognize it.

Lord I Hear You Loud And Clear

2010-08-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

The man you sent to tell me how beautiful I was

The child who told me I was loved

The woman who came along and said to me,

"I see all you hard work, let me help you"

But why me I ask?

She replied why not you?

Lord I hear you loud and clear.......

Lord I Thank You.......

2010-08-09T17:22:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for everything that God has done for me, is doing for me, and will do for me in the future. I have always been humble it's how I was raised. My mother taught me at a young age to accept the little things. I have been through many things but I always knew that suffering was a gift and I so welcomed it. I am constantly thanking God and praying every moment. I tell people that God is available 24/7 so you don't have to wait a certain time of day to talk to Him.

The Other Day

2010-07-30T16:22:00.000-07:00

I met a young man just 18 years of age. His little sister came and was talking to me and told me that he brother didn't believe in God. I told her to go get him and I asked him myself. He didn't really say anything so I started talking to him and telling him about God and asked him what it was he didn't believe. When I was done I added that God is available 24/7. The wonderful thing about it is that I got through to him and when I left him i prayed for him. I will continue to check on him.

Event June 4th-6th 2010

2010-05-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

"Don't be surprised of you come outside and there's a noose hanging from your tree." My Next door Neighbor

2010-04-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

Over the years my children have attended Pinellas County Schools and many of them were good schools while others had their own way of doing things. When my youngest daughter entered high school I was excited because she was finally on her way. The school that she was to attend was said to be a good one as I sat at their orientation listening to all the good things the teachers and administrators had to say about their schools. From day one it was a disaster and I found myself calling all my daughters teachers into a conference just to make sure that we were on the same page and also to let them know that I was the type of parent that wouldn't hesitate to come to the school when it had to do with my child.

As I was in the meeting I noticed one of the administrators was a heavy set woman in her fifties that seemed like the grandmother type. In the weeks that passed I found that she was stuck back in the days where she can't stand disrespectful children and would just love to whip their asses.

The school doesn't have many african american kids that attend which I noticed right away but the area I live in doesn't have many african americans in the neighborhood which I also noticed but loved the area because of how nice and quiet it was. I also noticed that my next door neighbor was racist right away and when he told me not to be surprised if I came outside one morning and found a noose hanging from the tree. After that he called the police and told them that someone from my house said the word fuck and he heard it. Now in the city that I live in if someone hears you cursing and it offends them you can go to jail for it so I see the neighbor had been doing his homework. Of course the police told him to mind his damn business which he didn't like at all. What really took the cake is when the next door neighbor sent the police to my home saying that he smelled marijuana. When the police came to the door they asked for the owner of the house, I came to the door and they asked if they could come in because they had a report of marijuana coming from the home. i let them in and walked with them around the house. The results there was no weed there. After then he hasn't called them again but he has said things to my youngest daughter trying to provoke her in some way which he was ignored. Prayer has truly taken care of him.

Now back to this school I was talking about. There have been students that have sex on campus constantly and also smoke marijuana on the regular at this school and their punishment for those students they sent them to a mental facility for a couple of days and they were back at school. I can understand why the crazy house because one of the students involved is the wardens daughter and the others well none of them told who actually brought the marijuana to school. The sex on campus goes on constantly in the dugout between classes.

The thing that stuck out to me was that the two students that came to school and killed the assistant principal and was given eight and four years in prison. Oh they are out now and the two others they wounded they recovered. As I sat in the office last week and my daughter told me about it I asked her if she was serious so of course when I returned home I had to look it up via the internet. two students were mad and came to school with stolen guns that morning.

The thing that also stuck out to me is how they allow bullying in their schools and many of the administrators and the principal are biased. They do not have the students best interest in mind they are on something totally different. A child came up to my daughter and told her that another student was raped. This was a student that I told my daughter to stay away from. My daughter told the girl that it was none of her business and she shouldn't be telling her the other girls business. So what did the child do that carried the bone she went back and told the girl who was raped what my daughter said and my daughter was in peer mediation the next day. The administrator told my daughter that something was going to hit her in the face one day for her to care which I found very inappropriate.

Of course I filed a report with the school board and since the child that continues to have my child called to the office due to her false statements still bullies my child. I let the school board know that they should get ready for their close up because the news reporters will be at their school very soon.

The hall monitor at the school which is an adult that has been there for years came out to my truck when I went to pick up my daughter one day and said, "I tell all my girl out here if someone tries you, fight em because if you don't people will be talking about you and think that you're scared." I was shocked that she even said that to me. She started talking about how the school is racist and how they are trying to get rid of all of the african american kids. I had seen enough and didn't care to see anymore.

To be continued......

Events for authors great information

2010-03-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

January
Zora Neale Hurston Festival

February
Much Ado About Books
National African American Read-In
South Carolina Book Festival
Natchez, Mississippi Literary & Cinema Celebration
2nd Annual Dahlonega Literary Festival

March Lee County Reading Festival
Small Press Book Fair
Virginia Festival of the Book
National Center for Family Literacy National Conference Colorado Independent Publishers Association

AprilAnnapolis Book Festival
Festival of Faith andWriting
North Carolina Black Book Festival
Romance Slam Jam
Texas Library Association Conference
Best Southwest Book Fest
Brother 2 Brother Literary Symposium
Arizona Book Festival
Southern Kentucky Bookfest
Memphis Black Writers Conference
North Carolina Literary Festival
Alabama Bound
Los Angels Times Festival of Books
Northern Arizona Book Festival
Seattle Rainbow Bookfest
Ohio River Festival of Books
May The Detroit Book Festival
Book Expo AmericaInternational Reading Association

June
Black Writers Reunion & Conference 2009
Black Caucus of the American Library Assoc. National Conference AmiGals Literary Retreat
Chicago Tribune Printers Row Book FairALA | American Library Association Conference
JulyChristian Booksellers Association Tradeshow NAACP Annual Convention (Author Pavilion)
Harlem Book FairThriller Fest
Zora Neale Hurston/Richard Wright Writers' Week

August
TulisomaQueens Book FairL.A. Black Book Expo
Indianapolis Book Fest
National Book Club Conference
National Poetry Slam
Metro Detroit Literary Collective

September Annual Harlem Book Fair on Long Island
National Book Festival
The RAWSISTAZ-Affair
The Decatur Book Festival
Baltimore Book Festival
Midwest Literary Festival
OctoberSouthern Festival of Books Kansas Book Festival
African American Book Club Summit at SeaPen to Paper Literary SymposiumMidwest Literary FestivalWisconsin Book Festival
LitQuake
Capital Book Fest
Children's Literature Festival
West Virginia Book Festival
Novello Festival of Reading
Wisconsin Book Festival Great Read in the ParkSt. Petersburg Times Festival of Reading

November The Kennedy Center's Multicultural Childrens' Book Festival
New Orleans Book FairTexas Book Festival
Miami Book Fair International

Author Tour Group
Divine Literary Tour

Spring Break for me has begun

2010-03-05T14:50:00.000-08:00

One week this is just how long I have until school is in again. I've decided to make the most of this break I won't let you all in on what's in store but when the week is over you all will be very happy. Before spring break i sat down to think about many things and one of the things that I thought about was my writing which is a passion of mine. When I write i'm always in a zone and no one gets in and out of it except me. :) There are many things that I will accomplish this year, this is definitely going to be a year to remember for me and my readers. For all of you that take the time out to come and visit my site I thank you. I am very grateful to you and it's because of you that I am able to continue doing what I do.

When I write I do so from the heart and God knows my heart. Those of you that have written to me and told me that you can relate to the character Tiffany in my first book just know you are not alone. There are many things that aren't discussed in society today and those that are tucked away hoping they will go away. This is never a good thing. For all of you Tiffany's out there who have taken the time to read the book i thank you. For those of you that get the message I thank you. For those of you that miss the message read the book again it's in there and it's hidden within the words.

I have done many interviews regarding my first novel and the worst one that I have done focused on the mother of Tiffany. Every question was about her and why this and that. For those of you who read the book and received the message then you know that it's not about Tiffany's mother at all. I personally have met her mother and she is a beautiful person. Too often people pass judgement when they don't have any idea what's going on those are people I just don't care for but to each his or her own.

My second book Girl, Come and Get Your Blessings: An Inspirational Book for Women is a must read. Today I found myself going back and reading the section on sacrifice. This is so important because I've written about it and I see it's true as well. In life we have to give up something many times in order to get something. Many people aren't willing to give up much but want everything. Also the section "The Cross Changes Everything" is one of my favorite sections and I really enjoyed writing it because it's so very powerful.

One day as I read that section to my son he started to cry and he said, "Ma I didn't know that you could write like that, I saw everything that you said as you read it." God has truly blessed me with a gift and I am so grateful and thankful and will forever be humbled.

There is a story that I heard once and there was this man and he trusted God and he believed and his son became ill and died. The man asked God, "Where were you when my son died?" God replied, "The same place I was when mine died." Just because certain things occur in your life it doesn't mean that God isn't there because there is nowhere that we go that God is not.

Katie Smiley A Celebration of History

2010-02-17T14:21:00.000-08:00

Katiy Mae Smiley born March 9th 1936 in Alma Georgia, born to Eddie Mae James and Clarence Morgan Katie would play a major role in african american history. Katie Mae Reid was her grandmother and her mother before her was the wife of a slave master that lived on the Smith Plantation in Georgia.

When Katie was just 6 months old her mother died after she was poisoned by her father's mistress at a cookout. After her mother's passing Katie was raised by her grandmother Katie Reid in Georgia. Her grandmother had several children and Katie enjoyed being raised with her aunts and uncles it was like having sisters and brothers. As a child Katie Reid was strict and she made sure that all the children did all the chores that they were assigned and if they didn't then they were punished for not being obedient.

Katie started working around her grandmother's farm at a young age and at the age of sixteen she married her basketball coach and later had two children. After her husbands infidelity she divorced him and married again having two more children with her second husband also. Katie divorced her second husband and continued to work hard taking care of her children.

Katie loved to read and write but she couldn't print this made her grandmother proud. Her grandmother would call her friends over just to show them what her granddaughter could do. Katie's grandmother wasn't educated and couldn't even write her name so Katie would handle all her business for her. Katie's grandmother was a hard working woman and as she would make money she would save it and put it in a sack behind her bedroom door. Katie's grandmother couldn't count so she never knew how much money she had but there was so many things that she needed.

One day Katie called one of her aunts for help her aunt agreed that she wouldn't say anything and Katie went in the sack and took money out for things that were needed around the house. One thing that Katie did do was replace the money that she took from the sack. Her grandmother never knew that the money was gone. Her grandmother went on to live to be 106 years old and before she passed she said she was tired of living because she was so old.

Katie left Georgia and moved to Florida where she enrolled in St Petersburg College. She didn't have a high school diploma she just knew that she wanted more out of life. She could read very well and write but she still couldn't print. She went on to have 11 more children, she had her last child at the age of 38 years old. Katie also had to deal with the passing of three of her children.

Katie Settled in and met many people in Florida. She was known not to take any mess off anyone. She was the only one that owned a pink cadillac in Florida and at the time there were very few. She worked in the field of nursing and worked two and three jobs at times to keep food on the table. Depending on welfare was not something that she wanted to do.

Katie worked hard all her life to take care of her children making sure that they had the best of everything. She later became disabled in her forties and was unable to work. She then began raising many of her grandchildren.

In 2006 Katie went into renal failure and was given the news that she would be on dialysis until a kidney became available she was just 70 years old. If Katie didn't know anything else she knew that she wanted to live so she began her dialysis treatments. In March Katie will celebrate her 74th birthday.

I celebrate Katie Mae Smiley she is a strong woman and also my mother. I am so proud to know her and just to be her child the last of the fifteen. We share a love for literature and I used to wonder where my love for literature came from and now I know.

Interview with Shalona L Amos

2010-02-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

As a child, what did you want to do when you grew up? When I was a child I as unsure about what I wanted to do but I knew I wanted to touch people’s lives in some way.

When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer? About 10 years ago. I purchased a computer and taught myself how to use it.

How long does it take you to write a book? My first book I wrote in a week and a half but I was up for like 18 hours a day taking notes and writing. My second one it took me two months because I had to do some meditating and praying.

Where do you get your information or ideas for your books? Ideas just come to me and I also write about things that actually occur in real life. I interview other people as well.

What do you like to do when you're not writing? I enjoy spending time with my kids and watching television. I also focus on my studies because I’m still a fulltime college student as well.

What does your family think of your writing? My family supports what I do completely.

Do you hear from your readers much? What kinds of things do they say? I hear from my readers quite a bit and they love my work. They tell me how it has touched their lives. One teenager that I heard from I’ll never forget her she said, “I am Tiffany”. Tiffany is a character from my first book. She went on to say how the book changed her life and I knew that if I could touch just one life then I’m doing my job.

What inspired you to write your first book? I was actually inspired by the female sex addict that I wrote the book about. She had something in her story that I had never seen and I wanted others to be able to read it and take something from it.

Do you have a specific writing style? My style is all my own and I keep it that way because I don’t read work from other authors that way I’m not copying their style. I do however read literature in my classes.

How did you come up with the title? My first book title came from diary entries that I had written years ago. My second book I came up with the title while talking to someone on face book.

Is there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp? Yes, there is a message in each book that I write. Who the message is for I couldn’t tell you I just write.

How much of the book is realistic? Everything but the names is realistic.

Are experiences based on someone you know, or events in your own life? Both I also wrote my story in one of my books.

What books have most influenced your life most? Books and stories by Kate Chopin, Jamaica Kincaid, Zora Neale Hurston, Frederick Douglass, W.E.B. Du Bois, and many others.

If you had to choose, which writer would you consider a mentor? W.E.B. Du Bois

What book are you reading now? My critical thinking textbook.

Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest? Not at this moment.

What are your current projects? Hmm I’m working on some of this and that. 

Name one entity that you feel supported you outside of family members. God has always supported me and will continue to support me. It’s because of Him that I am. He allows me to do what I do and I thank Him.

Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it? Yes it takes work and that book is a representation of you also in a way. People will also judge your work but stand by what you believe in.

Do you have any advice for other writers? Yes, never give up always keep pushing. Also do your research always.

Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers? It’s because of my readers that I keep writing. I appreciate them and I never forget them in my acknowledgements. Each person that contacts me l thank you.

What are some of your favorite movies? Anything that inspires me and uplifts me.

How has writing your books touched you life? I tend to find myself going back and reading my work when I’m feeling a certain way. My books are very uplifting, inspirational, informative, and spiritual.

What genres do you write in? I write in all genres because readers like different things so I give them a variety. Also I allow them to see that I can write different things. Also this is a way that I grow as well.

Some of the Greats

2010-02-03T11:53:00.001-08:00

This month is black history month. In my eyes, everyday we as individuals are contributing to black history in some type of way. I love to read books and writings from authors such as Frederick Douglass, W.E.B. Du Bois, James Baldwin, Amiri Baraka, Paul Laurence Dunbar, Zora Neale Hurston, Langston Hughes, Jamaica Kincaid, Ann Petry, and Booker T. Washington among many others.

I read books and writings from these authors in history especially in class. This allows me as a writer to see the style of authors and writers before us.As a writer I will purchase books to support other authors but I won't read them because when I write I don't want to read something in someone else's book and have something similar in mine. It's one thing that make my writing unique.

Each one of the writings I have always been able to learn something from them. There are those who came before us the authors of today. Even back then they had a story to tell. I am a big fan of quotes especially inspirational quotes. There are many that I love but there are two that I will shae with you.

"Nothing will work unless you do" ~Maya Angelou

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress" ~Frederick Douglass

Both of these quotes are true and I often think of them when something tries to keep me from reaching a goal or if i just feel discouraged. It's the inspiration needed to get back up and try again.

Another person's writing I love to read is Amiri Baraka. Someone Blew up America was a piece that was very controversial. If you have time read his story it's very interesting.

I'm very ambitious and I love growth and if I can't grow then I can't live. Like a plant that needs water I have to keep going because there is always something more to learn.

I leave you with one of my quotes from my new book Girl, Come and Get your Blessings....

"If you're going to be used by anyone in life let that someone be God" ~ Shalona L. Amos

Excerpt Diary of a Sex Addict II: The Final Entries

2010-01-31T22:38:00.001-08:00

Diary of a Sex Addict II: The Final Entries Chapter one (Just a Taste)

Later this year I will be releasing Diary of a Sex Addict II: The Final Entries. I'm excited about the release because it contines on where part one left off. Part One is a page turner and so is part two. Once again i'm allowed into the life of Tiffany Love so the reader can finally find out where she is now.Here's a taste of part two:

Chapter One

I lay quiet and still as my bedroom door opens. I was pretending to be asleep because I knew exactly what he wanted. It was the third night in a row that he entered my bedroom. He was good at what he did but I didn’t want him to be the one doing it. I always felt sick to my stomach when he touched me but I was afraid of what would happen if I tried to tell him no.

I could feel his presence standing over me and I refused to face him. I wanted him to just go away and leave me alone. I felt his hands touch my cheek and kiss me on my forehead. I still didn’t move. He moved to the foot of my bed and slowly began to remove the covers from my body. Again I remained still hoping he would just give up and leave but he didn’t. He turned me over and removed my pajama shorts and panties. He ran his fingers through my pubic hairs as if he were combing them. I was so disgusted. He looked up to see if I was awake then spread my legs. My body wanted his touch but my mind knew what we were doing was wrong.

He began massaging my clit with his two fingers teasing me. It felt good but I refused to show it. He then slid his fingers inside me pressing against my G-spot. That sent chills throughout my body; I could no longer hide it. I could tell he was excited because he started jabbing his finger inside me. I had to admit the man was skilled. I was close to reaching an orgasm but I held back. I didn’t want him to see how excited he made me. I didn’t want him to know he was good at his craft.

I'll stop here since it's just a taste. :) I'll save what happens next because it's a shocker.

Diary of a Sex Addict II: The Final Entries Chapter one (Just a Taste)

2010-01-31T18:56:00.000-08:00

Later this year I will be releasing Diary of a Sex Addict II: The Final Entries. I'm excited about the release because it contines on where part one left off. Part One is a page turner and so is part two. Once again i'm allowed into the life of Tiffany Love so the reader can finally find out where she is now.Here's a taste of part two:

Chapter One

I lay quiet and still as my bedroom door opens. I was pretending to be asleep because I knew exactly what he wanted. It was the third night in a row that he entered my bedroom. He was good at what he did but I didn’t want him to be the one doing it. I always felt sick to my stomach when he touched me but I was afraid of what would happen if I tried to tell him no.

I could feel his presence standing over me and I refused to face him. I wanted him to just go away and leave me alone. I felt his hands touch my cheek and kiss me on my forehead. I still didn’t move. He moved to the foot of my bed and slowly began to remove the covers from my body. Again I remained still hoping he would just give up and leave but he didn’t. He turned me over and removed my pajama shorts and panties. He ran his fingers through my pubic hairs as if he were combing them. I was so disgusted. He looked up to see if I was awake then spread my legs. My body wanted his touch but my mind knew what we were doing was wrong.

He began massaging my clit with his two fingers teasing me. It felt good but I refused to show it. He then slid his fingers inside me pressing against my G-spot. That sent chills throughout my body; I could no longer hide it. I could tell he was excited because he started jabbing his finger inside me. I had to admit the man was skilled. I was close to reaching an orgasm but I held back. I didn’t want him to see how excited he made me. I didn’t want him to know he was good at his craft.

I'll stop here since it's just a taste. :) I'll save what happens next because it's a shocker.

Events for Authors

2010-01-29T20:42:00.001-08:00

There are several events for authors but many don't know where to start in finding these events. It's a good idea for authors to network with one another and if there are authors that would like to attend the events but don't have the money it's a good idea to split the costs with other authors. Also it's a great idea to get sponsors as well. Here are just some of the events that are coming up and also conferences:

2010 Self Publishing Symposium in Harlem New York March 7th 2010 at the Schomburg Center. Here is the website for more information http://www.selfpublishingsymposium.com.

The Black National Writers Conference Brooklyn New York March 25th-28th 2010 Here's the site for more information http://mec.cuny.edu/blackwritersconference.

Here is also a link to events as well all over the world:

http://www.bibliobuffet.com/books-and-more-books/book-festivals-us/alabama-florida-mainmenu-260

We will truly miss one of the greats

2010-01-29T06:56:00.000-08:00

Legendary author J.D. Salinger is one that I had never heard of until yesterday. Yes i'm an author and I love to write and read stories from some of the greatest authors that ever lived. His work was some that I didnt get a chance to read. His book "Catcher in the Rye has sold over 60 million copies to date. He has published much of his work but decided to stop doing so at a certain point in his life. Many offered to make his books into movies which he refused and he also would refuse to do interviews. He even went to court going all the way to the supreme court in order for his work not to get published.

His former girlfriend wrote a book about their relationship and said he was quite essentric and she even described their sex life. Salinger said that "He was in this world but not of this world." In doing my research on him I will definately be going to read his work.

When I read the part about not wanting to be famous it reminded me of someone that I knew. Many times its not about the fame but the message and I noticed that many wont get it becaue they don't take the time to read. I want all of you to pick up one of his books when you get a chance I know I will be.

For those of you who havent already......

2010-01-28T21:53:00.001-08:00

Read my blog "The Cross Changes Everything"

The Cross Changes Everything Excerpt from my new book Girl, Come and Get your Blessings

2010-01-28T13:05:00.000-08:00

The Cross Changes Everything

When Jesus died on the cross, He died for us all. At that very moment everything changed, no one ever died like Jesus. He was strong and we know this because of what He went through before He made it to the cross.
Jesus was beaten with a “Cat ‘O Nine Tails” so badly that His flesh was ripped from His body. He may have fallen many times on His way to the cross, but one thing that He did not do was die. He couldn’t die until He reached the cross.
The custom was to break the legs of the people on the cross so that they wouldn’t resist the weight of the cross and would submit to death. There were three men being crucified that day and of the three, Jesus died first. Jesus died so quickly that not one bone was broken in His body. At that very moment, the prophecy was fulfilled.
When Jesus died, there were many things that took place: the earth began to shake, there was no shining of the sun, the veil in the temple was ripped from top to bottom, and graves began to open up and dead men began to walk the streets of Jerusalem. Can you imagine seeing all of these things occur? Can you imagine what God felt knowing that His son was going through this? Will you ever be able to understand God's passion?
Jesus already knew what lie ahead of Him. He knew why He was sent and what He was sent for. During the time of His crucifixion He didn’t try to resist, He remained faithful and obedient. They were tearing His flesh, but His spirit was something that couldn’t be touched. He knew where His spirit would end up and He also knew that the people of Jerusalem had no idea what they were doing. As Jesus was on the cross, He continued to pray for their forgiveness and I’m sure this may have been shocking to so many that witnessed this. Can you imagine what the world would be like if God wouldn’t have sent His son to die? That day, everything changed for all of us. It’s because of His blood that we are set free from our sins.
We can now ask for forgiveness and be forgiven. All the sins of the world were put on that cross. God loves us just that much, and I can’t say it enough.
Do you remember when God tested Abraham? Abraham thought that his work was done because he gave up so much to follow God. Little did he know, God had a test for him, this would be something Abraham would never have thought God would ask of him. God told him to take his only son, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah and offer him up as a burnt offering. God knew that Abraham loved his son. Can you imagine what Abraham must have felt when God asked this of him? How would you feel? Can you imagine how God felt having to send His only son to die so that we could live?
Even though Abraham loved Isaac, he still obeyed God. He even started out early that morning so that he could make it to the place God told him to be. Abraham had three days to think about what he was about to do and how he was going to do it. Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and gave it to Isaac to carry; we see the similarities in how Jesus carried the cross and how Isaac carried the wood.
Can you imagine Isaac seeing the fire and wood, but no lamb? Both Isaac and Jesus submitted to death. Isaac trusted his father as Jesus trusted His, and Abraham’s obedience is very impressive. Abraham showed us that God is first in His life. Although Isaac is his son, he does as God asks him to do. Abraham, in that moment, feels what God felt.
You will always have to give up something in life in order to get something. There are times in our lives that we have to do without in order to get to where we need to be in life; it’s called sacrifice.
It makes sense that there are those that plot against us. It makes sense that not everyone is for us. It makes sense that there will be those that will stick by us until the end, in the end, all things work together.
We go through things because others speak negatively about us. We go through things because others plot against us. Many of us don’t understand why some people are this way or why we have to go through the things that we do. It is all in the plan. God has a plan for your life, and these people that come through your life will make you stronger. You will suffer many times, but you must remember that suffering is a gift and after the suffering is over it will be a new day.
Suffering strengthens our spirit and makes us so much stronger. If we never went through anything, what type of world would this be? Anytime you are dealing with God, you are going to go through something. Remember, anytime that you get a victory there is always a battle that has to be fought.
I can remember a time when I was homeless, didn’t have any water to bathe my kids, or lights to see. My youngest daughter had to remind me that we had each other. Everything that I have been through in my life has made me stronger. When I was weak, I fell to my knees and prayed. At the time I didn’t realize that my suffering was a blessing and it would take me years to find out how much of a gift I was receiving.

Some people realy dont need to drink

2010-01-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

Last night my assistant had a party and of course I attended. The party was the first of two that she's having for her birthday. Toward the end of night my daughter came up to me and told me that a guy was telling her friend to go to his truck with him. As she was telling me he came over to me and said "we have to get out of here now!" He was pulling on my daughters friend and she told him that she couldnt leave with him because she came with us so he said, "all of you come then but we have to leave." I asked him who was telling him we had to leave he said I know you might think i'm crazy but the bartender is dead behind the bar. I went and told the lady who ran the place what he was saying she spoke to the DJ and he confirmed the guy was drunk.

In the past I have seen many things when people have gotten drunk I call it the Dr. jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome. One minute they are fine and then the next they are someone totally different.

Alcohol just isnt good for some people. I was thinking maybe he has a chemical imbalance or something because earlier that night he was fine. Be careful what you drink and who you drink with. Me myself, i'm not a drinker at all not because I act crazy or anything but because to me alcohol is gross. Just sharing something with you all I will definately be blogging more.

A Medical Scare I think not

2010-01-07T17:51:00.000-08:00

Recently I received some news from my doctor and I had to go get a biopsy. On Monday of this week I was told just how far things had progressed. Before Christmas break is when the biopsy was performed. My doctor told me to go home and not to worry about the results. Little did he know, he didnt even have to tell me that because i wasnt worried. See i know how powerful God is and I have seen what He can do. Mawtter of fact I am living proof of it.

As a child my mother was told that i was allergic to milk so I wasnt given milk. I would also out of the blue just stop breathing and pass out. Each time someone was there to do CPR to get me breathing again. There was no explanation for this only that I would pass out. As a teenager there were many little boys that liked me and one in particular that I liked I asked his friend to give him my number which never happened. nstead his friend called me. When he called me I didnt like him and I told my mother I didnt want to talk to him but she told me he was nice and sat there as I did so. Eventually I grew to like him and later we ended up with a baby girl. Years later his friend i had a crush on died of A.I.D.S.

As a child there was alot of incest in my family and after i finished writing my second book i learned just how much. One of my brothers began having sex with one of my sisters when she was five years old. This really shocked me but this very same brother used to have sex with another one of my sisters against her will. The one sister that I never knew about asked me if I remembered when she used to lock me in the room when my mother was at work and would play with me until my mother came home. I was like yeah, she said it was because she didntwant my brothers doing the same thing to me that they did to her. I was shocked and all I could do is listen as she talked.

I couldnt help but think to myselof that something happened somewhere for my brother to do this to her. One of my other brothers she later told me raped her when he found out that the other one was having sex with her. When she told my one brother that was having sex with her regularly he had sex with her again and told her he was going to make love to her even better this time. She cried as she talked to and I suggested that she wrote out her feelings and now she is in the process of writing a book.

I have been through so many things in my life being homeless, not having ligts, water, or food to eat but ive never been hung from a cross. To me what I have been through is nothing I gave up very little in life as I see it. God chose us and sent His son to die for us so that we can live. I know what it's like to lose your only son. I also understand that these children are not ours and God can take them anytime that He sees fit. I also know that I work for God and I will reach as many people as I can until its time for me to go.

So you sede having a diagnosis didnt scare me or worry me because one thing I sm is obedient and if need be I will lay down and die if its my time to go. Until then I will touch as many lives as I can through my work and words. When I get that feeling to write after i'm done I dont remember anything its as if something is writing through me i'm just there typing.

My mother used to always say to me "you'll be a good and faithful sevant"

Shalona

Help for Aspiring Authors and New Authors

2010-01-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

I have alot of people that come to me and ask me questions about how to do this and that when it comes to publishing and writing. I would like to helop everyone so I was thinking of a way that I could do so. I came up with many ideas. What I need is to kinow who needs the help and if they are willing to take the time to learn. I research all the time so I find out so many things. 2010 is definately all of our year. Keep checking my site for bnew things and also upcoming things as well.

I am also still a fulltime college student and a mother of three teenagers so i'm always doing something. I would like to write more in my blogs as well and give those of you who do read my blogs so very informative information that will help you in life, business, and whatever else you need it for as well.

Those of you who havent purchased Diary of a Sex Addict: Based on a True Story or Girl, Come and Get Your Blessings: An Inspirational Book For Women please do so. There is a message in all of my books and my books are inspired by God. When people ask me what i'm going to write next i tell them that I don't know. I do know that when i get that feeling its like a type of high, i write until the book is done. The messages in my books are for many women out there and in each book there is something for everyone even men.

I pray that everyone who reads this blog is in the very best of health and strength. I pray for many blessings for everyone in the world. Until the next blog.

Shalona

Soul On Fire Publishing
Unleash the fire within

Aspiring Authors and Authors Beware!

2009-12-22T23:21:00.000-08:00

Tonight as I was on facebook I spoke with an author that was scammed. She was told that she would be given 500 books for $1800.00 and she would have them by the 14th of December. It never happened. The guy that scammed her is another author and there is no telling how many others he has done this to. In reading his post on his page I found that she wasnt the only one that had a problem with him. This other lady poted to his page that her books are being sold in another state and he neds to find out who is selling them. Let me just say when you give a person access to your files they can and will do anything with them. How would you know if they are selling your books for profit? Stick with distributors that are well known and do your research always. Just because a person may charge you less so they say...cheaper isnt always better. If there is something you don't know ask. I have never been the one to ask others for help because I researched all of the time. It didnt take me long to see that one person who claimed to want to help me was just out to hurt me. I don't look at selling books as a comptetion. All aspiring authos and authors shuld help one another but that's not the way that it happens all of the time. I've heard so many stories when it comes to others that need help and are ignored. I try to help all that I can and give good information but it's up to the other person to use the information that I give.

I NEVER give out any information that I havent tested out myself. I chose to publish and be an author because I don't need or want anyone having control over my business. I don't jump at offers and I do alot within my business myself. I know that its rough out there and many other people don't want you to know what they know about the business but why not? what are they afraid of? I love to see everyone do well so i'm always willing to help.

What I've been up to

2009-12-06T21:23:00.000-08:00

I've been busy with school and my new book Girl, Come and Get Your Blessings: An Inspirational Book For Women has also been released. I'm so proud of this new book because I know that it will help so many women. There is also something in the book that will help men as well. My new book is the third book published through my publishing company Soul on Fie Publishing this year. I also have a new author Lovelle who has a book out called Raw and Uncut. In 2010 I will be doing many things with my company which I will keep until the time is right to announce them. Also I have a new author that will be coming out in 2010 as well.

In just one year I have accomplished so much within my company....God is so good and I realize what God has for me is for me.

Make sure you get your copies of all three books and also look for part 2 of Diary of a Sex Addict to be released in 2010.

The Secrets of Self Publishing

2009-10-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

1 Always put God first.

2 Learn as much as you can about the business

3 Knowledge is power do your own work in order to cut costs.

4 Typesetting can be done by (you) did you know that?

5 Determining the spine width of you book can also be done by (you).

6 Your ISBN 's and Barcodes can be purchased by you at www.bowker.com.

7 Set deadlines (remember you are running a business).

8 Make a budget and stick to it.

9 Do your research there is so much out there that you still need to learn.
Here are some sites that can be helpful to you:

http://www.karenequinonesmiller.com/typesetting.htm
http://www.wheatmark.com/howtomarket.cfm
http://www.selfpublish.com.au/book_printer_paper_and_spine_width.html

If you are unsure of how to write or what to write:

http://www.write101.com/shortstory.htm
http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/giles.shtml
http://www.gailmartin.com/secrets_of_the_heart_synopsis.htm

Ways to network:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Black-Author-Network
www.blackplanet.com
http://www.amazines.com/member_login.cfm
http://readers.ning.com/
Other sites:

http://www.booklistonline.com/default.aspx?page=general_info&id=65

These should help out alot. Author Karen Quionnes Miller also has a site which is the typesetting site that is very helpful also.

Don't forget to get your DBA which means doing business as. It is good for five years and you can get one from www.legalzoom.com. They arent that expensive.

Also you will definately need a website to advertise so the best way to go is www.godaddy.com. Here you can get a deal on hosting, domains, and website tonight. You can purchase it for two months to see how you like it. With the website tonight it allows you to just build your site easily. They also have deals where they give you an email address how cool is that.

You will also need a logo for your company also you can make that yourself. Don't forget your slogan make sure that it's something catchy.

You will also need someone to design your book cover also unless you learn how to do it yourself.
You will also need an editor for your book unless you do it yourself.

I hope that this information can be very helpful to you all.

Girl Come and Get Your Blessings and Raw and Uncut: An Erotic Street Anthology

2009-10-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

These are the newest two books that have been published through Soul on Fire Publishing. I am please to announce that both of these books will be available online through barnes and noble, amazon, books a million, and soul on fire publishing. Until then they will be available through Soul on Fire Publishing.

She said...He said and yet I trust HIM!

2009-08-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

She said: "You'll never make it without me, you're nothing."He says: "I'll be with you my child every step of the way. Just step out on faith."She's hoping to see me fail.....maybe she'll kick me when i'm down.

He says: "With me by your side You can do all things, trust in me.""But she talks badly of me as they did Jesus before His cuicifixion. Lord it's harder with each blow." He says: "Keep your head up walk straight ahead and never look back. I may not stop the blows but i'll catch you before you hit the ground." I say to Him: "Lord but I don't understand...why must I go through these things? Why does it feel like at times I have the weight of the world on my shoulders?"

He Replies: "My child, imagine carrying a cross to be crucified. Sending your only son up to be cricified. Can you imagine seeing your child being beaten until the flesh is ripped from His body? My Child, I love you and will always love you. My child you were already MINE and yet I sent my son to die so that you could live.

He adds: My child, don't you know the cross changes everything? I ask very little of you and yet you can come to me for anything. I have done so much and shown you in so many ways that I love you. You have felt my love and i continue to love. Theres no one that will love you as I do. There is no one who will give up what I have. If you only knew the power that i have you wold fear no one, you would wake up every morning with a smile on your face, nothing that anyone says or does can affect you in any way.Look back your life and you'll see all the things that i've protected you from. Even when you were wrong i've always been there. Where has SHE been?

I revealed my passion to Hosea does she have the love for you that he had for Gomer? If you were in a situation that only she could get you out of would she? Would she buy you back knowing that you are already hers? I know not! All you have to do is come to me and i'll do everything else. I'll fight for you, deliver you, protect you, what ever you ask. All I ask is that you be faithful to me as I am to you.

Look back your life and you'll see all the things that i've protected you from. Even when you were wrong i've always been there. Where has SHE been? I revealed my passion to Hosea does she have the love for you that he had for Gomer? If you were in a situation that only she could get you out of would she? Would she buy you back knowing that you are already hers? I know not! All you have to do is come to me and i'll do everything else. I'll fight for you, deliver you, protect you, what ever you ask. All I ask is that you be faithful to me as I am to you. Looking back at my life and seeing all that God has done for me and all that He has shown me. He has proven His love so many times and He continues. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. No one or nothing can take my joy.

I have many that I have to reach and I can't allow anyone or anything to stand in my way. I know that when things start getting rough it's just the devil trying to keep me from getting what God has for me. This is when i know i'm getting closer. And yet I trust Him! I was sitting writing my inspirational book for women which i'm so excited about. I'm so inspired right now and I know that many women will be able to benefit from this book. I plan to reach so many I can't wait. I'm feling so inspired that I just had to write a note. :)

I thank God for all things,this note will be included in my inspirational book for women

Shalona L. Amos

What i'm up to

2009-08-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

School just started back for me an i'm so excited!:) I'm a fulltiime Journalism student and i'm taking a writing class this semester. As I explained to my readers...there is always something more that I can learn. So far so good my excitement has taken over but i'm trying to calm down a bit. I know that taking this class will also help me in accomplishing one of my biggest goals yet. :)

I am also currently coming up with new ideas for my company so that it not only benefits the readers, but other authors as well. I have pushed the release date back on Diary of a Sex Addict: The Final Entries and also Girl come and get your blessings: An Inspirational book for women. When the books drop they are going to be so hot!

I will also be taking submissions soon as well from aspiring authors. The authors that send me their work now I will always be willing to lok it over, I won't make any promises though.

Well it's back to everyday life keep reading and i'll keep writing. Make sure you stop and check out my excerpts as well. I will be posting excerpts from part 2 and also my inspirational book for women after I have copywritten them.

Thanks to all!;)

Let it go 2009 by T. D. Jakes

2009-07-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ..... LET IT GO!!! If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth..... LET IT GO!!! If someone has angered you ........ LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...... LET IT GO!!! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents .... LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude....... LET IT GO!!! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...... LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...... LET IT GO!!! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...... LET IT GO!!! If you're feeling depressed and stressed ....... LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2009!!! LET IT GO!!! Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then ....

LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

I heard the angels singing

2009-07-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

Last year I was going through a great deal. Or atleast I thought. I didnt realize that someone had walked out of my life so that someone the right person could come into it. See I also realized that the things that God uses to bring us through our past isnt alwasys the same things that He uses to take us into our future. I felt like I couldnt go on and I prayed and prayed I asked God to help me and send His angels to comfort me. I was restless and hadnt slept for many days and one day out of nowhere i slept. I don't know when i went to sleep only that when i cracked my eyes open a tad bit i heard the angels singing. I quickly grabbed a pena and on an envelope i jottd down some of the words to the song which i will share in my inspirational book coming in October of 2009. It was nothing that i had heard before and I knew every word. How could I know the words and never heard the song I wondered?

I went into the bookstore one day the other day and as i was talking to the man behind the counter as I always do I told him about this. He then asked me: "Have you read Revelations?" I told him that I had and I also read about how John in Revelations knew every word also. He then said to me: "God said His chosen ones will know the words" I didnt say another word and I was on to another subject.

Girl Come and get your Blessings: An Inspirational book for Women is inspirationa, uplifting, and real. I share stories of women that have over come so many things. I also share things about myself as well. I explain Gods passion for all of us women when talking about "True Love" can you imagine offering your only son up for sacrafice? Can you imagine feeling what God must have felt? He loves us all just taht much. He made us in His image and His likeness. Each day we wake in the morning is a blessing. We must count these blessings and know how to go about being blessed.

Updates

2009-07-08T12:06:00.001-07:00

In November 2009 Lovelle an author I signed will have her anthology released. Lovelle has published her first book with Publish America and signed a contract for seven years. I don't recommend anyone do this. She is supposed to be featured in another anthology as well she doesnt know when as of yet. Her Street Anthology Raw and Uncut will be published by my company Soul on Fire Publishing in November 2009. Lovelle used to be subscribed to my blogs over a year ago when I had my first myspace page. I started off writing poetry under the pseudonym Shaylove. When another author sent her to me to get published I jumped at the chance. It wasnt about the money for me but I knew that Lovelle was talented and I saw something in her years ago. Now another author Shenna Anicia which is also my assistant as well. I met her three years ago. She requested me as a friend also on my first myspace page i ever had which is now deleted. She used to post blogs and I would read them but never comment. She would write blogs about her feeligs etc. then one day i got up the nerve to comment I told her she should write more. She wrote erotic short stories and others as well. In 2010 Shenna Anicia will have her first book published through Soul on Fire Publishing. It's called Rejection is God's Protection it's the story of a single mother. I started my company in October 2008. I the couple of months that it's been up and running i have been so blessed. Everything that I've learned i've researched. I oe it all to God and I always put Him first. I want to share something else with all of you....When I wrote my first book Diary of a Sex Addict I interviewed Tiffany then I wrote the book in a week in a half. When I finished writing the book I couldnt remeber what I wrote and when people told me they loved different parts I was like huh. When I write I don't go back and look over it etc. I have someone else do that. As I'm writing my Inspirational book for women which was requested by a woman in Tampa Florida because she said it's what many women needed. She requested it after reading my letter to readers. Many may think that i just write and that's it but its so much more than that. I meditate and pray for hours and watch sermons then I write. This inpirational book for women will touch the lives of many women. My company also helps others as well. Each year we go out and feed the homeless. This year starting in August a percentage of the proceeds from book sales through Soul on Fire Publishing only not Barnes and Noble etc. will go to feeding the homeless. I would like to set up and have hot cooked meals for them this year. Last year my company wasnt running a month yet when I fed the homeless and it had made no money at all. I paid for everything myself. This year i'm giving everyone the opportunity to be a part of it. I want to thank all of you who are subscribed to my blog. Thank you all so very much you will learn that i'm a very down to earth person as well.One more thing a female inmate wrote to me after reading my book her sister purchased it for her. She read the letter to readers and the letter that I wrote to her inside the pages of the book. She told me thank you and also said that she knows that i'm high maintenance and probbly too busy to write her back. I see she doesnt know me at all. Each inmate that writes me I write them back. Again I want to thank you all who are subscribed. Oh i forgot to mention my assistant now has her own business called: She She designs she now designs my website and my book covers as well. I'm so proud of her.Shalona L. Amos

Stacy (Excerpt)

2009-05-12T10:22:00.000-07:00

In May 2002, I graduated from high school with a 3.5 GPA. I was proud of myself because after all the things I had done, I still managed to do well in school. I wanted to attend college right away so I enrolled in the accounting program at Florida Metropolitan University. I was committed to my schooling for the first semester and received straight A's. From time to time, Richard called me for sex but I had decided that I wasn't going to fuck him on his terms. I chose when I wanted to see him and for how long. I only kept him around because he fucked me well and could do things my vibrator couldn't.
When the second semester started I was determined to finish it with all A's as I did the semester before. The first day I entered into my computer development class, I knew it was going to be hard to focus. Sitting in the front row was this wonderful piece of chocolate. He was average height, shaved head, perfect complexion, and he had a smile that lit up the room. I just had to have him. I sat down in the empty seat next to him. I wanted to know his name and he needed to know mine. I took a pen out of my backpack and accidentally dropped it on the floor between us. The pen rolled over toward his chair. I leaned over to pick it up, and as I reached for the pen, so did he. He picked the pen up first and handed it to me.
"Here you go," he said. I reached and took the pen from him. He sounded so sexy. I couldn't stop staring at his lips. They were so full and juicy and I wanted to bite them.
"Thank you," I said.
"You're welcome," he replied as he continued to light up the room with his smile.
"My name's Tiffany." I extended my hand to shake his but what I really wanted to do was grab his dick to see exactly what he was working with.
"I'm Stacey."
"Nice to meet you, Stacey." I was still holding on to his hand not wanting to let it go.
"Same here." He slowly took his hand away and gently put it in his lap.
The teacher came in and we both turned our attention to him. During the entire lecture I daydreamed about fucking Stacey. I wanted his face between my legs as I rubbed his bald head. I wanted his dick inside of me, no matter what position we were in, I just wanted to feel him. Then, I pictured having his dick in my mouth as I played with the head with my tongue.
Our teacher let us take a ten minute break during class. Everyone gathered outside near the picnic tables. I took a seat on a bench away from everyone because they were all smoking and I hated the smell of cigarettes. Stacey came over and sat next to me.
"So how you like the class so far?" he asked me.
"It's okay. The teacher is very boring but I've had worse," I replied as I made eye contact with him.
"I hear that. So what you majoring in?"
I paused for a minute, as if I were finishing off a daydream before I answered. "Accounting. What about you?" I asked as I slid closer to him on the bench.
"Engineering." He smiled again as he noticed me moving in closer.
"That's good." I guess this meant that he was really good with his hands.
Stacey and I talked more about the school and the different classes we were taking. When our break was over we all went back inside and finished up the remainder of class. When class ended I wanted to ask Stacey for his number, but I didn't. I didn't want to rush it, plus, I knew I would see him again tomorrow.
I thought about Stacey as I masturbated later that day. I wondered if he had a big dick and pictured him fucking me in every position imaginable. I wanted to replace Richard, but then again, maybe I could have them both.
For the rest of the week, Stacey and I got to know one another on a friendly level. He was down to earth and I liked that the most about him. After class one day, he asked me if I could give him a ride home. He told me that his car was messed up and that he was getting dropped off by his brother whom he shared an apartment with on the other side of town. His brother's girlfriend was using the car that day and he didn't want to walk because it looked like it was going to rain. His apartment was on my way home so I told him yes and we headed to my car. Once we got in the car, we put on our seat belts, and Stacey told me the exact location of his apartment.
When I pulled into his complex, he invited me in and I accepted. When we walked in the apartment, Stacey's brother, Craig, was sitting in the living room watching TV. Stacey introduced me to his brother as we took seats on the couch in the living room. Craig was a muscular guy with corn rows and a mouth full of gold. I sat back and listened as Stacey and Craig talked back and forth about family issues. When they finished, he invited me into his room. When we entered the room, Stacey went over to the stereo and put on some music. As Keith Sweat played in the background, we both took a seat on his bed and started talking about normal day to day things. As I was telling Stacey about my job, he leaned in and started kissing me. His kissing led to touching, then the removal of my Baby Phat dress, his jeans, tank top, and boxer shorts. My pussy had already been wet from the first day that I saw him, but now it was even wetter. Stacey lay down on the bed on his back with his dick standing straight up. He had a dick much bigger than Richard's and it was much thicker. I got on my knees between his legs, bent over, and started sucking on his dick. My panties were soaking wet and my pussy was about to explode as I sucked on his dick and licked around the head in slow motion.
"Tiffany, come put your pussy on my face. I want to eat your pussy while you suck this dick." He was initiating the sixty nine. I didn't respond, removing my panties I quickly jumped on his face.
Before I started sucking on his dick again, I blew on it, then nibbled on the head a little and he loved it. I started licking around the head of his dick with my tongue as I rode his face at the same time. I jacked his dick as I continued to suck. The combination of sucking his dick and him eating my pussy was overwhelming and I could feel myself about to cum. I could feel my ass starting to vibrate as the orgasm took over my body. Stacey's dick throbbed in my mouth, he was ready to explode. We came together in perfect harmony. I swallowed Stacey's nectar and continued to lick around the head of his dick. We lay next to one another drained and before I knew it, we were waking up from a two hour nap.
"Dang, girl, you put me to sleep," he said me as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.
"So did you." I was hoping he wanted some more because I was curious to see what else he could do with that dick of his. I moved in closer to Stacey and began stroking his soft dick, trying to get a rise out of him. He laid there, enjoying every minute of it.
"Tiffany, can I ask you something?" Stacey asked, while I continued to stroke his dick.
"Yea, what's up?"
"Have you ever been handcuffed to a bed and fucked?" He had a serious look on his face.
"No. I've always wanted to try it though." I was willing to try any and everything there was that had to do with sex.
"So you freaky like that, huh?" He smiled as he shook his head in an upward and downward motion.
"You gonna have to try me to see." I knew that I had finally met someone that liked to live on the edge as I did.
By the time our conversation ended, Stacey's dick was fully erect. He reached over in his nightstand drawer and pulled out two pairs of handcuffs. He positioned my body in the middle of the bed and put my hands above my head as I lay on my back. He took the handcuffs and cuffed each one of my hands to the poles of the bed. Stacey then kissed me on the lips passionately. We sucked hard on one another's tongues as we became lost in a world all our own. Stacey bit on my nipples as he licked and sucked on my breasts. The biting was a little painful, but it felt good at the same time.
He moved down to my pussy and began sucking and nibbling on my clit. He stuck his tongue in my pussy and began fucking me with it. My hands were bound so I couldn't push his face in my pussy like I wanted to. Stacey kept fucking me with his tongue until I came all over his face. He didn't give me time to recover before he slid his dick inside me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, since he allowed them to stay free, pulling him further inside me with my legs I wanted to feel all of him. Stacey fucked me roughly and it felt good as hell. He removed his dick from my pussy without warning and stuck it in my ass. I began to scream and squirm. My hands were bound so I couldn't stop him, all I could do was take it. His dick hurt as he slid it in and out of my ass, but the wetness on his dick from my pussy was good lubrication.
"You feel this dick inside you girl?" "Imma cum right in this fat ass of yours."
I started using my hips to throw it back at him and he loved it. My ass started to quiver and I couldn't believe it, I was cumming from my ass. I yelled to the top of my lungs, "Oh shit!" "Fuck me bitch!" Stacy began to cum with me and I could tell he wasn't going to pull out. He came inside of my ass and I welcomed it. Once Stacey caught his breath, he reached over and uncuffed me.
Later that night, in the wee hours of the morning, Stacey let me handcuff him to the bed as I rode him. I rode him frontward, backwards, and even rode his face. Stacey's sex was way better than Richard's, plus, he was into much more freaky shit than Richard was. Stacey also liked to use whips, hot wax, and paddles. He liked to inflict pain as well as receive it I couldn't get enough of his sexy bald headed ass.

Trent

2009-05-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

One week later, I went over to Trent’s house and picked him up. We began to drive around the Temple Terrace area looking for somewhere to park and hopefully have sex. I had money and I could have easily gotten a motel room somewhere but I liked living on the edge. As we passed my old elementary school I remembered behind the school there were picnic tables near the Hillsborough River. A few feet from the picnic tables was a gazebo. Houses were along the river but they faced the opposite direction leaving the river in their backyards. We parked by the river, exited the car, and headed for the picnic tables. Taking a seat at the top of the picnic table, I sat with my feet hanging off. Trent didn’t want to sit down because he wanted to finish smoking his cigar and drinking his beer that he had bought along with him. He paced back and forth as he talked to me. After a while, he came over to me and pulled me towards the edge of the table, pulling off my pants and underwear. He pushed me back on the picnic table, put my legs over his shoulders and then he started eating my pussy; it felt good but not good enough for me to cum. After a few minutes of eating my pussy, he stood up and pulled out his dick. He didn’t have a condom, and at that point, I didn’t care if he did or not; I just wanted him to fuck me. While holding my legs up, he stuck his dick inside of me. As I looked over to my right, I saw a man standing outside his house watching us. I didn’t tell Trent that I saw the man because I enjoyed having an audience. Trent switched positions with me as he lay on the picnic table on his back. Climbing on top of him, I slowly put the head of his dick inside of me. I sat down on his dick until his dick filled my inner walls completely. As I moved up and down on his dick, Trent started to throw it back at me and I loved it. I clenched my pussy tightly around his dick as I began to ride harder. I could feel his dick throbbing inside of me as it grew. My pussy fit his dick perfectly like a glove. I could feel him starting to jerk and when he grabbed me by the waist so I slowed down stopping his nut completely. I got up and stepped down from the table. I bent over and motioned to Trent to come and fuck me. Trent jumped down from the table almost busting his ass coming to get this pussy. Sliding his dick inside of me Trent began to fuck me harder and harder. I felt Trent’s dick starting to jerk as he was ready to cum. I pushed him away quickly so he didn’t come inside of me. The last thing I needed was to be stuck with his ass. I turned around quickly and grabbed Trent’s dick and I started jacking it. Cum was all over my hands, on him, and all over the table. Looking back over to my right I could see the man still standing there, watching. I can remember thinking to myself, I hope he enjoyed the show.

Chapter Two Diary of a Sex Addict

2009-05-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

It wasn’t until I entered the seventh grade that I found out that the good feeling I was feeling was called an orgasm. A lot of the boys in my Health class referred to it as a “nut”. I really didn’t understand why they called it that but I wasn’t about to try to figure it out either. I was glad to know the feeling actually had a name. I was still uncomfortable letting people know that I was experiencing this pleasure daily. Everyone made it seem as though this was only for adults and I wasn’t close to becoming one.

I never considered myself ugly and I was much more attractive than most girls my age, but for some reason I didn’t feel that way. I wasn’t able to own the name brand clothes that everyone else wore because my mother couldn’t afford things like that. I was never big on brand names so I didn’t let it bother me too much anyways. Everyone I knew wore their hair in the cutest hair dos. During the time the “Fan” was the hottest thing to rock, and the higher yours was, the more popular you were. My mother had cut my hair back when I was twelve and I’d been wearing it in a short, layered style every since. I wasn’t secure with my image so it made it difficult for me to fit in at times.

There was a girl in my science class that I thought was so pretty. She had hazel eyes and long black hair. Her skin was the color of caramel and she always smelled sweet. During class, I would sit and stare at her, tuning out the things that the teacher was saying. She looked the way I wished I did. No one ever gave me a second glance, except for the really ugly boys.
One day, I was staring so hard the girl must have felt it because she looked over at me and caught me.

“Hey, are you gay or something?” she asked me with this mean look on her face. I looked away before anyone could figure out that she was talking to me. Not knowing what gay was, I feared looking back at her so I faced the front of the class and pretended that I didn’t know who she was talking to. I focused on what the teaching was saying and kept my eyes on him for the remainder of the class. After that day, I never looked at her again.

In my physical education class we were all required to dress out in the locker room. They had separate ones for the girls and boys. The girls’ locker room was painted red and blue and had red lockers. Each locker had its own combination lock on it. The room smelled of dirty socks, making it hard to breathe at times. There were no bathroom stalls to change in, just showers that only had small curtains. Anyone could just pull it back while you were in there changing. Many of the girls would change by their locker in front of everyone. Being insecure about my body made it very uncomfortable for me to dress out so I wore my gym clothes under my regular clothes. I didn’t want anyone seeing my body because I had fat thighs and a flabby stomach.

While the other girls dressed out I would watch them. I admired their bodies because many of them looked the way that I wish I did. I noticed that one girl had the curves and breasts of a grown woman. When I watched her I made sure that I didn’t get caught looking.
I continued to watch naked women on television more and more. Looking at the women’s bodies made me get aroused. The way that their curves were and the way they made love to one another was beautiful to me. I loved when the camera zoomed in on their vaginas. I was so fascinated to see how each woman’s vagina was formed differently. I began to examine my own at night when my mother was asleep. I knew if she caught me she would throw a fit and
probably accuse me of being a whore and who knows what else.

Once I knew she was out cold, I would tip toe into the bathroom. Sitting on the edge of the toilet, I would prop one leg up on the wall in front of me and the other up in the air. Putting my hand mirror between my thighs, I would look at my area. I became familiar with every part of it. Now that I was well acquainted with it, I mastered my skill of masturbating.

I knew I couldn’t act on my fantasies about women because my mother would not approve. I had to be like every other girl and date boys, but that wasn’t really where my heart was. As hard as it was to do, I had to forget about girls and focus primarily on boys.

Not long after I started my seventh grade year, my mother began dating a man from our church named Vincent. She had never really dated anyone seriously because she enjoyed being single. When I was ten, she dated a man named Bruce who was no good. He had gotten my mother pregnant but as soon as the baby came he vanished. Before long, my mother found out that while she was pregnant with my sister, Bruce had gotten another woman pregnant and she was having her baby a couple of months after my mom had hers.

After that incident, my mother refused to be with another man sexually unless it was her husband. I was happy my mother was seeing someone from our church because he wouldn’t treat her like those fools on the street. Vincent seemed very different from the rest so he had my stamp of approval. They dated for a few months and things were going very well.

One day my mother came to me with some good news. “Tiffany, guess what?” she said, full of excitement.

“What, Ma, what?”

“Vincent and I are getting married.”

“Oh, Ma, that’s great. When is the wedding?”

“Well we aren’t actually having a wedding. We want it to be something simple. We are going to go to Orlando and have a private ceremony.”

“Can I go?” I asked.

“No, sweetie, I’m going to need you here to watch your sister ‘til we get back. We’re only going to be gone a day.”

“Okay, well I’m happy for you, Ma.”

“Thank you, baby.”

I gave my mother a hug, letting her know I meant what I said. My father was never in the picture since I was born so I was excited to finally have someone I could call Dad.

Before Vincent and my mother got married he really didn’t have too much to say to me. He let me do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Soon after the marriage he began giving me orders. He told me I wasn’t allowed to listen to “worldly” music. If he saw me watching a movie that wasn’t PG13, he would make me turn it off and go in my room. It didn’t take long for me to stop liking him.

When I came home from school I would walk right past him and not say a word. He started telling my mother that I was being rude and needed to know my place as a child. My mother would try to talk to me about my attitude towards him but I wouldn’t hear it. On a few occasions, my mother made us sit together and talk about what problems we had with each other. Vincent complained about me not speaking when I came home and about my smart mouth. My mother told me if I didn’t get it together she would start punishing me until I did. My mother’s beatings were no joke, so I decided to pretend to like Vincent so I could enjoy the little freedom I had.

Vincent continued to get on my last nerve, but I put up with as much as I could until one day he crossed the line. My mother wasn’t feeling well and spent most of the day in the bed. When Vincent came home from work he started aggravating my mother by trying to touch and kiss on her. She repeatedly told him she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to be left alone. He ignored her and kept rubbing and kissing on her. My mother reached for the phone to call one of Vincent’s friends to tell him to come get him. Before she could dial the number, Vincent snatched the phone from her. He pulled the phone so hard that he yanked the cord out of the wall. My mother tried to get out the bed and run to the door to get the cordless phone but Vincent pulled her back in the bed and told her she wasn’t going anywhere. She pulled away from him and ran towards the door. Vincent caught her before she reached it and slapped her in the face, knocking her down on the floor. I heard my mother screaming so I ran towards her bedroom door. When I opened it, I saw Vincent standing over my mother, screaming and yelling at her. My mother told me to call 911 so I ran to find the cordless phone.

As I rushed in the kitchen to get the phone, Vincent was right behind me and my mother was right behind him. He tried to beat me to the phone but he was too slow. I tried to dial 911. Before I could get the last 1 dialed, Vincent snatched the phone out my hand, threw it towards the wall, and pushed me on the couch. My mother quickly pulled him away from me and pushed him into the glass coffee table. Vincent fell on the glass, causing it to shatter. My mother and I kicked and punched Vincent while he was on the floor. A neighbor heard the commotion and banged on our door.

“Is everything okay in there?” he yelled. I ran to open the door and told the man to call 911.

Within a couple of minutes, two officers were at my door. One officer spoke to my mother and asked her what happened while the other talked to Vincent. The officer that questioned my mother went outside to his police car. When he returned, he handed my mother some forms and she filled them out. I went and sat outside on the curb. I was glad my sister was with my grandparents for the weekend because she didn’t need to witness what took place.

Moments later, the officers cuffed Vincent’s hands behind his back and escorted him to the police car. I rushed back inside. Mama sat on the couch crying uncontrollably. I hugged her, told her I loved her and that everything would be okay, and she didn’t need a man like that in her life.
When I went to school the next day I bragged to all my friends about how I finally got rid of Vincent. I told them how he hit my mother and about how my mother and I jumped him when he fell on top of the coffee table. Everyone laughed when I told them that part. I was excited because I knew with Vincent gone I could have my old life back again. I was sad for my mother though, because I knew she really loved him, but he put his hands on her and that was something my mother told me she would never accept from any man. She told me that no real man would put his hands on a woman and if a man ever tried to lay one finger on her, she would make sure it would be the last. I had to admit I didn’t want my mother to be alone, but she deserved someone who would treat her better than Vincent did.

When I got home I rushed in the door, threw my backpack on the living room floor, and ran into my mother’s bedroom. She was standing in the closet pulling out some jeans and a t-shirt. I asked her where she was going and if I could come. Before she answered she told me she wanted to talk to me. She motioned for me to sit on the bed and I did. She sat next to me and began speaking.

“Tiffany, I’m sorry you had to see what you saw last night. I never wanted you to witness anything like that,” she said, taking my hands into hers.

“Momma, it’s not your fault. Vincent is a terrible man and I’m glad he is gone,” I said, squeezing her hands to let her know it was okay.

“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m about to go bail Vincent out of jail and when I’m done, he is coming back here so we can talk about some things,” she said. Did she just say what I think she said? I thought to myself.

“There isn’t anything to talk about. You told me you didn’t want to be with a man who is going to put his hands on you, remember?” I asked, standing up from the bed. My mother’s statement nearly floored me. How could she consider letting that man back in our house after what he did? He must have had her brain washed or something.

“I remember, but Vincent is my husband and it’s not that simple. We made a commitment before God and we can’t just break up whenever things go bad,” she said. Tears formed in her eyes. It hurt my heart to see my mother go through this. I could tell she was torn between her marriage and her children, but in my eyes, your children came first.

“God will understand. Momma, please don’t let him come back here,” I begged.

“Baby, I hear what you’re saying and I know you and him don’t get along so well, but I love him and I want to work through this. Can you please give him another chance for me, please?” she begged. I loved my mother more than anything and I would do anything for her. I could tell she really wanted to save her marriage but I didn’t understand why. I couldn’t see what she saw in Vincent in the first place. He only had a sixth grade education and he couldn’t hold down a job. He wasn’t romantic or all that good looking. His sex must have been really good because he lacked in every other department.

I let my mother finish explaining why she was making her decision and told her that I would give him another chance. My mother gave me a hug and told me she appreciated what I was doing for her. After that, she left and went to get her husband out of jail.

When Vincent came back things only got worse. I could tell he was angry about being arrested, but he had no one to blame for that but himself. He made sure he made things difficult for me. He changed my curfew from eight to five, not giving me much time to hang out with my friends after school. I wasn’t allowed to go over my friend’s house to spend the night and no one could spend the night at ours. He told me I wasn’t allowed to talk to boys and if he ever found out I was dating or having sex, he would punish me. I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I started sleeping with a knife under my mattress just in case he tried to put his hands on me like he had my mother.

On several occasions I tried to tell my mother that Vincent wasn’t the man she thought he was. Her reply was pretty much the same each time.

“Tiffany, if you wouldn’t get such an attitude every time he says something to you, the two of you won’t be arguing so much.” I couldn’t believe she was taking his side. I was her child and I should come first but it was obvious to me who she put first: Vincent! It hurt to know that my mother loved her husband more than she loved me. There was nothing I could do about it.

Chapter One Diary of a Sex Addict

2009-05-08T18:44:00.000-07:00

Chapter One

“911 what’s your emergency?” the operator asked.

“It’s my daughter Tiffany! I just came over and found her unconscious in her bed! Please send someone over here right away! She can’t die!” Tiffany’s mother cried hysterically.

“Ma’am, I need you to calm down. What’s the address there?”

“Hold on, let me find something with the address on it.” Tiffany’s mother ran into the kitchen and found a letter with her address on it. “Okay, I found it. The address is 2792 Edgewater Way, Apt 2.”

“Okay, now is your daughter breathing?”

Tiffany’s mother placed her hand over her mouth and nose to feel for air. Nothing... “No! She’s not breathing! Oh Lord, she’s not breathing! You have to hurry! She can’t die! Please hurry!”

“Ma’am, we are getting there as fast as we can. I need you to calm down. Do you know CPR?”

“No!”

“That’s okay, I can walk you through it. Tilt your daughter’s head back and lift her chin.”

“Okay.”

“Now check and make sure nothing is blocking her airway. If there’s nothing there, hold her nose

shut, cover her mouth with yours, and give two breaths.”

“Okay, I have to put you on speaker phone.” Tiffany’s mother put the phone on speaker and placed it on the bed next to her. She put her mouth over hers and gave her two full breaths.

“Now what else do I do?” she asked.

“Place your hands one on top of the other on her chest between her breasts. Push down thirty times to a depth of about two inches, at the rate of about two seconds.” Her mother counted aloud until she reached thirty. “Now give her two breaths again and thirty more chest compressions.”

Tiffany’s mother continued to perform CPR until the paramedics arrived, then she stepped to the side and let them take over. She continued to cry and pray as the paramedics tried to revive Tiffany.

“Lord, I know my daughter has done some things that were wrong but she is trying to change. Lord, please don’t let her leave this Earth without the opportunity to show You that she can do better. Lord, please save Tiffany, don’t let her die. Give her another chance to show You that she will put You first and will overcome this addiction she has. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”

*****

Before I went to bed my mother called me into her bedroom. At first I was scared she found out I was in her make up earlier that day when she left me alone to go to the store. When I didn’t see the belt sitting next to her on the bed, I knew she hadn’t figured it out and I prayed she never would. My mother had already warned me on more than one occasion that if she ever found out that I went in her stuff without asking, she would beat the black off me. I didn’t understand how you could do that, but I wasn’t about to find out so I made sure I put everything back exactly as I had found it so she wouldn’t suspect anything.

My mother was lying in her bed with her favorite black nightdress on. It was long and sheer. She wore her matching bra and panty set underneath. Her hair was neatly combed straight and reached the middle of her back. Her skin was a few shades lighter than mine and her eyes were light brown. She had freckles placed perfectly on her cheeks, giving her an innocent look. My mother was beautiful. One of my mother’s men friends must have been coming over later because that was the only time she put on one of her most revealing nightdresses and wore her hair down.

“Yes, mommy, you called me?” I asked, as I stood at the foot of her bed.

“Tomorrow Ms. Yvette is bringing her boys, Tony and Wade, over to stay while we go out. I know you haven’t met them before but I want you to be on your best behavior. Be nice and make sure you share your toys,” she said, while getting up to light the candles around her bedroom.

“Yes ma’am, I will,” I said. I really wasn’t up to sharing my stuff. I was the only child and never had to share any of my things except for when my aunt Kelly came over. She was my aunt but I am ten months older than she is. She always tried to steal my dolls so I hated when she came over to visit.

“Tony is eight, the same age as you, so ya’ll should have a lot in common. You know the rule. Don’t let them get you in trouble. You understand me?” she said.

“Yes ma’am, I promise I will be on my best behavior,” I said with a fake smile on my face. I really wasn’t up for entertaining Ms. Yvette’s sons, but who knew; maybe they would be fun to play with.“Okay, go on and go to bed. I have company coming over in a little bit,” she said as she sprayed some perfume on her body and around the room.

The next day when Ms. Yvette arrived with her sons, part of me was excited; it wasn’t often that I had someone to play with. I always looked forward to Saturdays because it was the day Mother and Ms. Yvette would leave and I’d be home alone until almost midnight. But, I’d often be afraid to be left alone because I would hear noises all throughout the house. Every squeak and crack would cause me to run into my bedroom and hide under the covers until they came back.

One Saturday I asked my mother why she couldn’t get my aunt to watch me while she went out.

“Mommy, why can’t Aunt Susan watch me when you go out?” I asked one Saturday, as she was getting dressed.

“Because your auntie won’t watch you for free and I don’t want to pay her. That’s my club money. Plus, you’re a big girl. You can watch yourself.” She had a point, I was a big girl and I never got into any trouble while she was away.

When the boys arrived, I saw that Tony was much taller than me. He was very skinny, like the poor kids you see on TV in Africa. I wanted to fix him a grilled cheese sandwich as soon as he walked through the door. I could tell he had been playing outside before he came over because he had dirt all over his clothes. I couldn’t tell the last time he combed his hair because his little afro was matted to his head. Wade, who was five, was a chubby little thing. He reminded me of the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

Tony and Wade seemed to be shy at first, but as soon as our parents left they began arguing over what cartoon we were going to watch. Wade wanted to watch Bugs Bunny and Tony wanted to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I didn’t care for neither of the cartoons they wanted to watch and since it was my house, I turned to Strawberry Shortcake. Both of the boys whined about how they didn’t want to watch a girly cartoon, but I didn’t care.

While we sat on the floor watching cartoons, Tony began rub-bing on my hand. I wasn’t sure if that’s what kids did when they watched TV together, but I noticed he wasn’t rubbing Wade’s hand. When I moved my hand back, he reached over and started rubbing on it again. I pulled my hand away again, but this time I placed it in my lap. After Strawberry Shortcake went off Tony suggested that we go play hide and seek.

“Not it,” I said before anyone else did.

“Not it,” Tony shouted, leaving Wade to be the one to find us.

Tony and I whispered to each other about places to hide. I told him that we could hide in the laundry room, my mom’s closet, or in my room under the bed. Tony told me that he wanted to hide in my mom’s closet and I told him I was going to hide in the laundry room. I really wanted to hide in my mother’s closet because I could cover myself with the pile of clothes that she always kept in there, but I didn’t want to hide in there. I knew that if Wade did look in there, we both would be caught.

I told Wade to close his eyes and count to a hundred but being only five years old, he could only count to ten. I just told him to count until he couldn’t count any more. Wade went to the far corner of the living room and began counting. As I headed for the laundry room, Tony grabbed my arm and led me to my mother’s bedroom closet. I tried to pull away but he kept insisting that I come in there with him so I did. It was really dark in the closet when Tony shut the door so I cracked it so we could get some light. As I stood in the nearly dark closet waiting for Wade to try to find us, I couldn’t help but wonder why Tony wanted me to go in there with him. Something about him was a little weird to me but I just brushed it off.

When I wasn’t paying attention, Tony snuck up on me and kissed me on my lips. My initial reaction was to slap the crap out of him but instead, I just pushed him away. I had never been kissed before and wasn’t sure if I wanted Tony to be first to do it. Tony pulled me close to him and kissed me again. When I tried to pull away he held me tighter. I stopped fighting and just let him kiss me. His lips were soft but I didn’t see what the big deal was about kissing. I heard Wade crying so I pulled away from Tony and ran to see what was wrong. Wade was standing in the living room crying because he got scared. Tony teased him for being such a crybaby. I went to the kitchen, got Wade some cookies, and calmed him down. I let Wade pick the next cartoon we watched on TV. Tony didn’t like that but I didn’t like how he picked on Wade, so he could go to hell for all I cared.

Wade began drifting off to sleep about ten minutes into the show. Tony went to go change the channel but I grabbed him by the arm before he could reach the TV.“What do you think you are doing?” I said, as I yanked on Tony’s arm, pulling him down to the floor.“I’m turning the TV. I don’t want to watch this crap,” he said, as he tried to get back up to turn the TV. Again I pulled him back down, but this time I pulled him much harder than before.“Ouch! You’re going to pull my arm off. Let me go, Tiffany,” he said, trying to free him self from my grip.“No. I’m watching this so you better just sit down and watch it too. You’re not turning my TV,” I told him. Tony just looked at me and smiled.

I was really beginning to think this boy was getting weirder and weirder. I let go of his arm. As soon as I did, he jumped on top of me and we began to wrestle. I wasn’t in the mood to play with him but he kept laughing and wrestling me. Eventually, I gave in and gave him a run for his money. We rolled around on the living room floor until we grew tired. Wade somehow managed to sleep through all the noise. I pushed Tony off me and sat up to catch my breath.

“Hey, Tiffany, I have another game we can play,” Tony said, getting up from the floor.

“What game?” I asked. I got up and went into the kitchen to fix me something to drink. Tony followed me.

“I don’t know what it’s called, but I know you will like it,” he said, with a huge grin on his face.

“Okay, show me,” I said, finishing the last of my juice. I placed my glass in the sink and headed back toward the living room and Tony followed.

“Let’s go in the room ‘cause I don’t want to wake Wade up,” he said. He grabbed me by the hand and led me into my bedroom. Tony closed the door behind us and told me to get in my bed.

“What I need to get in the bed for?” I asked him.

“Because that’s where the game is played,” he said. I followed his instructions and got in the bed. Once I was in all the way he joined me. He told me to lay flat on my back and I did. Tony climbed on top of me and began rubbing his body on mine.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“This is the game. I saw it on TV last night and the people seemed to really like it,” he said. He continued to move his body up and down on mine. I could feel his pee pee on my private through our clothes and it felt weird. I didn’t understand the game but since it wasn’t hurting me, I didn’t see any harm in playing.

As Tony rubbed himself on me, he kissed me as he had earlier in my mother’s bedroom closet. His kiss was nice and I didn’t want him to stop. I heard my bedroom door squeak and I quickly pushed Tony off me. I thought that maybe my mother had came home early and I didn’t want her to see what we were doing. I knew he said it was only a game but I wasn’t sure if it was a game I was allowed to play.

Wade walked into my bedroom rubbing his eyes. You could tell he had just woke up by how slow he was moving. Tony and I got out of the bed and led Wade back into the living room. I turned on cartoons and all three of us sat directly in front of the TV. I felt Tony watching me but I was too scared to give him eye contact. The game he had introduced me to was different and made me feel weird. I wasn’t sure what to think of it but I knew I wanted to play it again.

At some point, we all fell asleep while watching cartoons. I woke up when I heard my mother’s key unlocking the door. I woke Tony and Wade up to let them know their mother was there to get them. They both grabbed their shoes and headed toward the door. My mother and I walked Ms. Yvette and her sons out to the car and said our goodbyes, then headed back into our house. Mama instructed me to go take a bath and get ready for bed. I obeyed her orders and got right to it.

As I lay in bed, I began to think about the game Tony and I played. I had never seen anyone on TV play such a game and I was beginning to wonder what the purpose of the game was. Tony’s pee pee felt weird rubbing up against my privates, but it was a good weird. I had never felt anything like that before. When I wiped myself as I bathe or used the bathroom, I never got that kind of feeling. Maybe only he could make me feel that way?

Saturday came again and my mother announced that Tony and Wade wouldn’t be coming over that weekend; I would be going to their house. Gathering my things, I prepared myself for the long car ride over. Ms. Yvette lived on the other side of town. My mother always teased me about falling asleep. Whenever we took long car rides I would fall asleep like I use to do when I was younger.We arrived at Ms. Yvette’s house thirty minutes later. My mother walked right into the apartment without knocking. Ms. Yvette stood in the kitchen drinking a glass of water. She wore a pretty purple dress with shoes to match. Her hair was pulled back into a neat bun with soft curls in the front.

“Yvette, I’m going to go change in your bathroom, is that okay?” my mother asked. She held up her duffel bag of clothes.

‘Yeah, girl, go ahead,” Ms. Yvette told her. Mama went into the bathroom to get dressed.

Tony and Wade sat on the living room floor in front of the TV. I took a seat on the floor next to Tony and put my bag filled with dolls next to me. Ms. Yvette brought us some snacks to eat while we watched cartoons.

“Now don’t make a mess ‘cause I just vacuumed the floor earlier,” she said.

“Yes ma’am,” we all said in unison.

There was a knock at the door and Ms. Yvette went to answer it. When she opened the door, two men entered and she told them to take a seat at the dining room table.

My mother came out of the bathroom looking like a movie star. She wore a tight, black dress with black and gold heels. Her make- up and hair was flawless. She had twisted it into a neat French roll with spirals in the front. Just the day before she’d gotten her nails manicured. They were painted red with black rhinestones and her toes matched. My mother was fierce and no one could tell her otherwise.

One of the men at the table said, “Damn, you look good enough to eat!”

The other guy sitting next to him burst out laughing. I really didn’t understand what was so funny. If that man dared try to eat my mother I was going to kick him in his knees.

My mother politely smiled, walked over to him, and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. The men rose from the table and walked toward the door. My mother and Ms. Yvette followed. Before Ms. Yvette closed the door she stopped and looked back at us.

“There’s some fried chicken in the kitchen if ya’ll get hungry. Don’t answer the door for anyone, not even the police, you hear me?”

“Yes ma’am,” we said in unison again. Ms. Yvette blew her boys some kisses and closed the door behind her.

Once our parents left, Tony suggested we go into their room so that we could play video games. Wade was the first to hop up and run in the room. We entered the room more slowly. Tony and I sat on the bed and Wade sat on the floor. Tony took his cover from behind us and put it on our laps. I wasn’t cold and wasn’t sure why we needed cover, but I let it stay. As Wade started to play the video game, I watched as Tony rubbed on my thigh. I nervously looked over at Wade. He didn’t see anything that Tony was doing because he was so into the game. Tony continued to rub on my leg for a while.

“I have to use the bathroom,” Tony said. He removed the cover and stood up. He left the room, heading in the direction of the bathroom.

After Tony didn’t come back for a while I went in search of him. I wondered what was taking him so long. When I opened the bathroom door Tony grabbed me and pulled me in.

“Hey, what’s going on?” I said, slightly startled.

“Nothing, I’ve been waiting for you. I knew you would come looking for me sooner or later,” he said, closing and locking the door behind me.

“Well, yeah I did. You were taking forever. I came looking to see if you fell in the toilet or something,” I said, knowing that wasn’t the real reason I went looking for him. I wanted to play the game again.

“Come here,” he said, holding his arms out. I walked into his arms and he wrapped them around me, and kissed me. This time, he put his tongue in my mouth so I backed away.

“Why did you put your tongue in my mouth? That’s gross,” I said, while wiping my lips.

“That’s what the people were doing on TV. What’s wrong? You didn’t like it?” he asked.

“No, it was nasty. I don’t want your tongue in my mouth. Are you crazy?” I said with a look of disgust on my face. I knew the boy was weird but that took the cake.

“Come on, Tiffany, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” he promised. He walked towards me. Before he reached me we heard a knock on the door.

“Hey, what are ya’ll doing in there? I have to pee really bad,” Wade said from outside the door. I quickly opened the door letting him in.

Tony and I gave him his privacy and went back into the bedroom. I hopped on the bed and Tony did the same. He reached on the floor and picked up the cover we had on our laps earlier and covered us again. Wade came back from the bathroom and sat in front of the TV. He didn’t waste any time before he started playing video games again. Tony continued to rub on my thigh under the cover without Wade noticing.

By the time our parents came back that night we were already asleep in the boys’ room. My mother woke me up and told me to get my things so that we could go home. I grabbed my book bag full of dolls and my sandals and headed out the room. I looked back and saw Wade asleep in front of the video game while it was still on. Tony was lying on the floor next to him under the cover that he had used earlier to rub on my thigh. Half asleep, I walked to the door as my mother and Ms. Yvette said their goodbyes. I hopped in the backseat of the car and lay down to go to sleep on the long ride home.

For the next three years I spent time with Tony and Wade while our parents hung out. Tony and I continued to play our game. At some point, I found out that what we were doing was called “hunching”. Whenever we were alone, we would start to kiss one another and hunch. We hunched outside, in my mother’s room, in Ms. Yvette’s room, and in the laundry room of my house.

On one occasion in particular, Tony told me that he wanted to hunch but this time he wanted to do it differently. Tony told me how he had been watching some movies on TV late at night. He said the men and women in the movies didn’t have any clothes. He said we shouldn’t wear any either. I went along with it. Tony and I got undressed but left on our underwear. Pressing up against him, I could feel his pee pee getting hard as it rubbed up against my private area. It wasn’t the first time that I felt his pee pee, but it felt much different than before. I guess since we didn’t have the layers of clothes between us I could really feel him. I liked the way his pee pee felt on my private so much that I didn’t want him to stop, but we knew Wade would be coming in from outside at any moment so we quickly got dressed.

Tony told me that the next time we hunched that he wanted to do it completely naked. I was nervous because I knew how good it felt when we just had on our underwear, so being completely naked had to be even better.

Since Tony watched people on TV doing the things he did to me, I was curious to see for myself. Late at night, when my mother was out with one of her men friends, I found a sex channel on TV. I watched men and women having sex with each other. There were also women having sex with other women, too. As I watched the two women together, it made me feel really good. They both looked as if they really enjoyed each other. Some of the things they did grossed me out, but I couldn’t stop watching it. At the end of every scene the people would make a really loud noise and would get an ugly look on their face. For some reason, that was funny to me. There was no way I was going to look as silly as they did so I knew I had to practice because I didn’t want Tony picking on me.

After watching the sex shows on TV, I practiced how I would groan when Tony and I hunched again. I wanted to really get it right so I grinded on the pillows from my bed. I couldn’t get that feeling in my private like I would get when Tony rubbed his pee pee on me. I needed something firm that I could hunch on so I decided to get the pillows off the couch in the living room. Those pillows had hard edges and I knew it would do the job. Taking the hard end of the pillow, I rubbed it up against my private area. I kept rubbing it until I felt an explosion inside my stomach. I had never felt anything like that before, not even with Tony. I knew what I felt was what the people on TV had felt when they were groaning and screaming.

For months I continued to use the pillows to make myself get the good feeling. I used the pillows so much that the end began to get soft and they weren’t doing the job anymore. I knew I had to figure out something else before I lost my mind. I desperately needed that good feeling.

One day while I was in the bathroom, the toilet seat lid came off and I noticed that the two pieces that snapped the lid on the toilet were hard. I began to think about the hard ends on the toilet seat, how I could put something soft over them and use that to rub up against myself so I could get that feeling again.

I took the lid off and lay it on the bathroom floor. I ran into my room, took a pillow off my bed, and returned to the bathroom. I placed the pillow over the lid and positioning my private part on the hard piece of the lid as I lay on my stomach. The pillow was to keep the rough part of the lid from hurting me. In an up and down motion, I rubbed my private part on the pillow that was over the lid until I had that good feeling that I liked so much. Afterwards, I lay on the bathroom floor until the feeling left.

After a while, I couldn’t use the toilet seat anymore because it started to hurt my private. I would also get sore because I used it too much. Not being able to use the pillows or the toilet seat, I started using my hands. Taking all my fingers, I rubbed in a circular motion until I got that good feeling. I would stay up late at night and watch sex movies on TV while rubbing my private parts until I got that good feeling. When I watched the movies I focused really hard on the women’s bodies. I liked to look at their breasts and private areas. I liked to watch the women strippers on the adult channel as they took off their clothes. If I wasn’t watching the movies I wasn’t able to get that good feeling as quick as I would when I did watch them.

Tony and I never hunched again and my mother and Ms. Yvette saw each other less and less. Ms. Yvette ended up getting engaged to a man she met at the bar and didn’t hang out with my mother anymore.

For months I used my hands to get that good feeling. It became obvious to me that it was something I needed, because I couldn’t stop. I began to think that something was wrong with me. Sitting in my room at night, I would cry because I feared that I was going to go to hell. I knew the feeling had something to do with sex. I thought I was the only person that had this feeling. Something about it had to be wrong.

Whenever I went to church on Sundays with my mom, I made sure that I stayed away from the pastor. I didn’t want to get close to him. I felt that somehow, he would know about the feeling that I was having and would go around telling everybody. Knowing that I would probably go to hell for having this feeling, I couldn’t risk anyone else finding out about it.

I kept my head down most of the time while I was in church. I didn’t want other people to look into my eyes and be able to tell what I was thinking. I thought they’d figure out what I was doing when I wasn’t in church. My mother would kill me if she ever found out.

Every night I prayed that God would make me stop but I just couldn’t. I often wondered what was wrong with me. Was the devil making me do it or was what I was doing even a sin?

Author Bio

2009-05-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

Born January 24, 1975 in Saint Petersburg, Florida to Katie Mae Smiley, Shalona was the last of twelve children. She was often sick as a child and her illness caused her to be separated from the rest of the kids. After being isolated for more than a year she began to get bored with watching television so she began to write. She wrote anything that came to mind and anything that rhymed. Shalona’s writing was first noticed in the fifth grade when she won a poetry contest for grandparent’s day. She touched the lives of many grandparent’s that day. However, she never had any grandparent’s of her own. Her grandmother was poisoned when her mother was just six weeks old and her mother never knew her father. Her teachers all saw something in her that she was too young at the time to understand.
When entering middle school she continued writing hiding her work under her bed. The amazing thing about her writing as a child is that many of her writings she can recite still today.
As the years passed Shalona went on to high school finishing in her tenth month of pregnancy. By the time she graduated she was already the mother of a 2 year old little girl then later gave birth to her second child ten days after her graduation. She was just eighteen years old at the time. Two days after bringing her new child home from the hospital the devil tried to take her joy. Her first child’s father had showed up to her door with the police after filing an emergency ex parte motion. He was accusing her of abusing her child. After thirty days without her child custody was returned to her. Her child was finally able to return home but the incident scarred her daughter for life. It didn’t take her long to notice that the daughter that had left her wasn’t the same one that returned.
She was in college when she conceived her third child and later dropped out to help her mother who was caring for eleven children that were placed in her home by the court system. In 1994 she gave birth to her third child a baby girl. Three years after giving birth to her daughter she gave birth to her last child and only son. Ten months later she buried him after he died from Myocarditis a heart condition. One month later she closed on her first home, she was only 21 years of age. Shalona went on to work at a well known company for the next four years doing telemarketing making no less than nine hundred dollars a week. She realized that if she could make the company she was working for money then she could make money starting her own company. At the time she had three little kids and really didn’t know which way to go so she did the thing that she knew how to do she kept working.
While working with the company she met someone and entered into a long term relationship. After the first year of the relationship her partner began to be unfaithful, drink heavily, and use cocaine. Her relationship went downhill from that point on.
After ending a three year relationship, Shalona left her house and everything in it to start fresh. Many people thought she was crazy for doing so but she told them that the house was a material thing. It meant nothing to her. She knew that God would bless her with much more. Shalona knew that leaving her home would leave her homeless but she took that chance. Things were rough at times and there were times when she lived without electricity, water, or very little food. Prayer brought her through. Her youngest daughter said to her one day. “Mommy we still have each other.” Shalona realized that the things that she went through just made her stronger. She lived in what most would call the hood and little did she know these would be the same people that would support her years later.
In 2006, Shalona began to focus more on her writing. She began submitting her work to different sites and even was featured on a couple of them. Her work has been featured on Invisible Verse and also Kuma 2.net under the pseudonym Shaylove. Not long after she received news that her mother’s kidney’s were failing. She put everything on hold to take care of her. After a year of caring for her mom and attending college full time her sister took over and in 2008 as she began writing an empowerment book. When she told people that she was writing a book many of them laughed at her. The laughs didn’t discourage her instead they empowered her. With God’s blessing she started her company Soul on Fire Publishing then she met a sex addict. Just Years earlier she had started to write diary entries and named them Diary of a Sex Addict hoping one day to write a book. She then put the empowerment book on hold and in a week in a half wrote the true story of a sex addict from Tampa Florida. After getting positive feedback on part one she decided to give the readers what they asked for part two. Shalona has several other projects that she is also working on. All of them will be published under her publishing company Soul on Fire Publishing. She’s not interested in being signed with a major company or working for someone else.
In marketing her books Shalona returned to the same place where she had experienced hard times “the hood.” She was shown so much love and today her books are in the hands of many that she met years ago. She began feeding the homeless at Christmas and in 2008 and will feed them every year for many years to come. She believes that when she’s blessed she should give back to those that are in need. She knows what it’s like to go without and she knows what it’s like to be homeless.
Shalona resides in Pinellas Park ,Florida with her three kids. Her future plans include starting her own magazine and an organization for kids of single parents or with no parent. She would also like to start an organization that helps grandparents that are raising their grandkids also. Her goal is to see her books made into movies. Until then she will keep writing and giving her readers what they want, good writing. Her books are available on http://www.soulonfirepublishing.com/ or www.myspace.com/soulonfirepublishing or http://www.amazon.com/. Also Read her poetry on http://www.kuma2.net/ under the pseudonym Shaylove.

Welcome to Soul on Fire Publishing

2009-05-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

My website is getting a new look which will include a blogging section. As part of my blogs I will have a how to topics as well. Some of the things that I will cover in the blogs are:

Introduction: Who is Shalona L Amos?

What my plans are for Soul on Fire Publishing?

How to start a business from scratch with very little money to do it.

How I started my business?

Also I will have video interviews of people who have reviewed my book and also written reviews.

Information on conference calls that I will be holding with aspiring authors.

Sex Questions Revealed!

The correct way to please your mate.

What does it take to have a lasting relationship?

What you can do to keep the fire burning?

What else can I try in order to please my man/woman?

How can I be a better a woman?

What is love? And how do I know if I've found it?

And many more....I'M ALWAYS OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS. To check out the new site visit: http://www.soulonfirepublishing.com Look out for changes throughout the week.